I don't want to be gay anymore.

I really don't. I think being 26 years old and it being now 2017, I just came to realize this.I never had a boyfriend or had sex. I don't find anal sex attractive. I'm black and feminine as well just makes things more difficult for myself.I'm Christian, and I pray to god and tell him why did he make me a black gay man, I just don't get it.I pray that god will send me a boyfriend and I don't think he will.I just rather be a woman even though I don't have gender dysphoria or just be straight.I think being a feminine black male my life is so cursed and I can't do anything right.Straight people hate me, gay guys hate me. Fuck. I really don't like this.I'd rather be ex gay and not mess around with gay men who don't like black men and fuck with my emotions.Then "accept" myself and just hold onto false dreams and hopes and people talking shit to you.I really want to become ex gay. I really do. :(For those of you saying for me to become atheist, no I don't want to.