Lonesomeness, frustration, tiresome— being gay sometimes sucks

To begin, I am eighteen-years-old. I just graduated high school, began studying at a nearby university, and work part-time. Nonetheless, my life is good.Except I often wish I wasn't gay.It's not that I can't accept it. I knew I was homosexual before I even knew what that word meant. Before I'd hear it so often throughout my younger years.But nobody knows that I'm gay. I'm closeted, and every time I try to come out I just get nervous. I'm a really nervous guy. I'm undiagnosed but I know it's all anxiety!And I'm not desperate, but I'm pretty lonely. So I tried using some gay dating apps, but I have to keep my identity a secret. This is not only because I'm closeted, but because my uncle is also gay and on these apps, too.Yes, it would be so awkward if he saw me on there!I actually ended up meeting a few guys through these apps, though. I mean, yeah, it was Grindr. One of them only wanted sex, after leading me on for so long. The other two ended up moving away.I mostly am frustrated with being closeted. I think this is the core issue. I just do not know how I can boost up enough strength to come out!But I also feel like, in my head, what I want in life is far too unrealistic. I mean, ever since I was a child I dreamed of having a husband, kids, a dog, and so on.This is all just rambling, but I could go on for days. I don't want to seem like I complain too much, as I'm usually a happy and energetic person.Can anyone else relate to this?