I just need to let my guard down for a few minutes...

Hey everybody... So like I've been having a little rough patch this winter. I have e seasonal affective disorder on top of chronic depression. Normally it's tolerable and I handle it really well compared to most people... Except in the winter. Once winter rolls around I kind of just retreat from all my friends. But then I start to feel like I lose touch with myself too... Normally I'm like a spunky, fun loving femboy whose always down to smoke a bowl or drink a beer. But like when this winter started I just like... Stopped caring about anything. It's a little embarrassing to mention but we'll my personal hygiene is probably the worst it's been since before highschool... I haven't shaved in weeks, Ive had a few days I forgot to brush my teeth the last few weeks. I've been wearing the same clothes for up to 3-4 days. My diet... I'm already really skinny for my height/age and it's really bad because I'm eating like once a day. I can't put food in my stomach even if I smoke alot of weed. It's not a self conscious thing I just... Don't feel like eating anymore even if I'm hungry... Idk it's weird but it's really stressing me out. My sleep is really off. I am literally nocturnal at this point. It's about sunset by 4:00pm during the winter which is when I wake up and I'm usually in bed by 6:00am... I heard that this can be bad for your mental health but idk, no clue how to fix it either. Idk... I just feel like I'm losing touch with my personality which is a part of me being gay... I feel like I'm really open about my homosexuality and then all of a sudden winter comes and it's not like I stop being gay but I stop being happy and positive about it. I start to feel like nothing is worth it and I should feel bad about it.