I struggle with being gay

Hey I need some guidance. I never lost hope but I think it will be very difficult to find a gay guy that I would like. I am 20, in the closet and never have had contact with gay men. I dont use gay apps, I only text with clients and family.I live with my parents and all my plans for relationships are after I move out and be able to afford more stuff. Im hardworking,smart and reserved. On the internet I see gay people talk too much about sex which I think is stupid. I like being around men who just act right,smooth and respectful but they are all straight. Honestly Ive never looked up to any gay men as role models for something. Im not looking for sex, I just want love. Good looks are very important for me tho. And again most of the guys that I find attractive are straight. The one think that keeps me above water is my lovely career. I am an artist and I thrive with it. My people love me and I dont want to continue being concealed but it seems too scary out there. I think Im still not good to roll. I would appreciate if you share your experience with me, maybe give me advice,especially the older ones. Understand that I am a little isulated,sometimes lonely and I need to be heard, too. Thank you! :)