Ok, so... I have had huge social anxiety and depression for a little over 5 years now. I have been making major progress lately, getting out, talking to people, and even asking a guy out... We hung out once months back but I didn't have a car and he lives far(ish) [50 mi.]. When we hung out the first time, it was literally the first time I had done so in like 5 years. I have become crazy about him since then since he's like my only friend. So I finally took a train/cab to see him after not talking to him for 2 months because I was missing him terribly.
Things seemed to go ok until about halfway through when his friend left to get movies from his car and he told me "You need to be more confident." and "You don't talk nearly enough. No-no-NOWHERE nearly enough..." I thought I was doing GREAT but apparently not. Things got worse from there and he started avoiding me more throughout the day, pulling away from me, sitting by his friend and not me, ext.
So after this I have been bothering him for the last week since we hung out to see him again. Normally I would be more patient but his birthday and Christmas is coming up so I have been a little pushy. I thought it would be nice to take him out to dinner, a movie, whatever he wanted to do for the day. I am so socially awkward I have been asking a friend for advice now and then. I told him I asked him out again today and he wanted an update. So I went to check messages to make sure I didn't miss anything and responded with "5 hours no response".
I sent this to my crush... He responded immediately how I had been wanting after this with "We can only be friends." I don't know if I would have gotten the same response or not, but I'm sure he thinks I am a complete dick right now like I was yelling at him or something for it and being super pushy.
I tried to make up a sorta lie about my brother getting out for basic on a Christmas break and that it was meant for a family member about him (this actually did happen earlier, almost the same exact message to). IDK if he bought it or not but he didn't respond to that either. I was too embarrassed to tell him I was talking to a friend about dating advice. I'll tell him the truth later since it's his birthday today anyways; this happened a few hours ago. I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY. I have almost done it 1,000x now.
Normally I wouldn't care all that much, I could walk away from something like this, but he is GORGEOUS and super sweet. He is right at my age, sorta close, wears makeup and dresses up sometimes, and doesn't make me feel like shit about it when I do the same (most guys I have liked want me to "act more straight").
I'm not 100% sure why I am posting this here; I guess to just sort of get it off my chest or hear other people's thoughts. How do I get over this rejection? Do I even try to salvage this? Do I have a chance with him still, like maybe further down the road? Do you think I would have gotten the same response regardless of this texting fail or did this just put the nail in the coffin? I feel like he only talks to me because he pities me; I'm so quiet I know I am no fun to be around... The first time we hung out he sent me something along the lines of "It would have been more fun if you actually talked." and "I decided to message you again because I figured you probably don't get out much or talk since you live in the middle of nowhere so that's why you are so quiet."
TL;DR: Asked my crush out (that I am absolutely crazy about) and tried to update my friend about his response. Sent a text about my crush - to my crush, "5 hours no response" so now he thinks I am a pushy d-bag.
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