Hello all! Thank you for taking the time to read this, I truly value your opinion and perspective. I do not find myself to have a good perspective, I feel oblivious and not aware of the cold hard reality of situations most of the time. Perhaps I just give everyone the benefit of the doubt, etc. But anyway, here is my current mentality, dilemma, and confusion in my heart and mind. Please be brutally honest, I appreciate the truth, not what you think I want to here. I apologize for the wall of text, but the details are important.
Backstory, I am a gay 20 year old male living practically by himself, working two jobs and going to school fulltime, supporting myself along the way. Although I am only 20, I am mature, I have goals, and I am not your usual young’n. I like to date older because I value the stability, maturity, and how they’re usually established by their age. You can ask anybody I know and they will tell you that I am different. So, first off please do not judge me by my age regarding my current situation.
I have been dating this guy (Jon) since June. He is 35, handsome, caring, etc. He is what I look for in a partner, established, mature, older, etc. I have a certain standard when it comes to dating. I am very particular. We have been doing well since June, although when he started opening up about his last relationship and how it hurt him and pretty much ruined his self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. It clearly has had an impact with his emotions, and how he is around me.
In October I stopped seeing him for a about a month because I felt that he was not emotionally available enough for me, and could not satisfy my emotional need. It felt as if he was not over this guy yet, which had been over a year since the rough breakup. When we passed by certain places he’d get sad because it reminded him of the guy. Or certain songs on the radio, which caused him to stop listening to it completely, as well as spend time outdoors, hiking, etc., doing all of the things he’s loved since he was little, and in turn met this guy that bonded over the same things. I didn't feel it was fair to me, and I was not being true to myself. The breaking point came when one night; I wanted to talk about our relationship, commitment, and what it meant to me and what it meant to him. It made him think of the other guy, and how it ended, and how we shouldn't have a label because it means nothing and that we should live in the moment. Shortly after he became upset and wanted to go to bed. The conversation went nowhere except signaling to me that there was a red flag between us and it wasn't okay with me, so I took action. By Thanksgiving, we had had a talk about us, I realized I missed him much, and he confessed his strong feelings for me. He said I love you. I made sure to talk about that later on, and he truly means it. So we started seeing each other again as the semester finished and I went on break. He had unused vacation days and went back home to Michigan to see his mother which lives in the middle of nowhere, doesn't even have cable or internet. He didn't want to go, but guilted himself in doing so. Fucking stupid, a waste of $400 to sit on his mother’s couch and be bored. He regrets leaving, and I resent him for it, I am angry and bitter.
Here’s the best part. Jon’s other (I call him loser) ex before this guy from the bad breakup, were together for 4 years, had 4 dogs together and Jon got stuck with them. So while he’s in Michigan, his ex is spending obnoxious amounts of time at his house caring for the dogs even though he lives in Massachusetts with his parents. The weird part is that he is employed at the Cheesecake factory, but still lives with his parents? I asked Jon about it and he said the loser ex will take night shifts after spending the day at his house with dogs…. Since, I’ve found out he’s been spending time at his house, and this loser harassed me over Instagram because I’m dating Jon. He said that Jon has a bf and that’s him (loser), but I’m pretty sure he was just trying to screw with my head. I immediately told Jon and sent him screenshots, and the loser stopped right away. Was he sneaking behind my back? Did the loser accidentally out their little fiasco? IDK My gut tells me that something is wrong. And I can’t get over it. I’ve confronted but he said he’s telling me everything. I don’t believe it. I keep tabs on the loser to see how often he’s over Jon’s house, because he’ll post on Instagram when he is.
I’m still waiting for him to comeback, it’s been 2 weeks and he just wants to find a cheap flight. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is eating me from the inside out. He said I love you, but I don’t know if he truly meant it. He knows I’m uncomfortable with the loser over so often, he knows I resent him for being gone. I don’t know if I’m tolerating nonsense when I shouldn’t be, and whether I’m not being true to myself by compromising important emotion and communication issues because he lacks these traits. He doesn't communicate emotions and just in general like I need, and I don’t know what to do. Should I give it up, pull a heartless move and drop him? Or should I wait?
TL;DR SO is emotionally detached, his ex is still around and it's hella sketchy, he may be lying, but I don't know.
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