Would I choose to be straight?

My name isn't important, but it's Charles, hey! I'm British and I live in Amsterdam. I finished Uni, very recently, and decided to fly to a new country because I'm a wild child and always have been. I landed with a bag on my back and little money and managed to bag a Graduate job in a huge company and get ridiculously cheap, central accommodation sharing with an old guy who does my laundry for me and offers me free drugs... doesn't my life sound unfairly sweet?But it isn't.. because I'm unfortunately gay. I have never fully been comfortable with the fact that I'm gay, it's the fault of being brought up catholic, coming from a small village in Northern Ireland and being brutally bullied psychically and verbally because I didn't act like a little chavy, disgusting, pigboy like all of the other rotten children... and I say children, these disgusting animals were aged 11 and up. The influence of the religious, patriarchal society really knows no limits.This post is mostly a rant, I don't expect responses or thumbs up, I don't really care to be frank, maybe somebody in a similar mindframe might manage to read all of this and find solace that they are, #notallalone . Anyway I lie and tell people I'm bisexual and rock that whole, 'I can love whoever I please' image. But as a 'gay' I must make sacrifices to make sure people know that I am legit 'bisexual' and therefore throughout Uni I did stuff with girls. (I've did more 'stuff' with girls in bed than I have with guys... which is fucking depressing.)Unfortunately all of this did make my life easier, straight males were more inclined to be my friends and didn't care all that much when I crossed my legs during discussions and tried to kiss them when we got fucked drunk. (I've kissed so many 'straight' men.. and by I've kissed I mean they kiss me, why would I kiss something I kind of resent?) I've also pretended to be asexual but that was a strange #foreveralone phase of my life.I'm just so angry at society, how can people not understand that It is perfectly fine to love whoever one wishes. Hell I have never been in long lasting fucking love but I know who I wouldn't turn away if they came to my door at 3am on a stormy night asking to join me in bed...If there was a choice offered I'd be straight, right? ... Well no if I had a choice I would alter the timeline and history of this planet. I would make it so love was celebrated, not feared. There was a time I prayed to fucking Santa(God) to be straight, I cried my little faggot self to sleep, I tried wanking to lesbian porn, I wanted to kill myself, but with age and the numbing process I accepted who I was. I was a normal guy who liked guys...I feel as though if everyone thought like me I could relax. I could try and find a nice guy and get in a relationship and have hot, meaningful, violent sex over a long period. Not do what I'm currently doing and pulling guys drunkenly in clubs and not being able to go all the way down to some kind of guilt complex. I'm also hungup on the fact my most recent guy who I had a year long thing with hates my guts now and I keep forgiving him every time he gets thirsty just because he has a nice looking body... I'm not even a horny person, I just like cuddles, when you are a cold cunt like me cuddles help take the edge off.I don't know how to feel more comfortable about my sexuality, outside of it my life is perfect. I have one of the most approachable, funny personalities. I gather people and I have good friends in all the countries I have lived and they don't seem to care about my sexuality. I'm sarcastic and cynical, but it makes people roar with laughter when I bluntly tell it how it is and loads of people seek my advice on everything, (and they have no clue what swarms in my head 24/7)I dunno, I want a boyfriend and I want to live on a planet where being gay is as normal as pissing and shitting, but at the same time I don't want to lose who I am worrying about this sexuality crap and I am a strong, independent black woman who shouldn't need no man but cuddles in bed would be very nice coming into winter... I'm aware this planet will never change, I will never be able to visit Russia and I will continue to secretly dislike anyone who is religious (even though they are entitled to their, positive or negative, interpretations of their imaginary books)If you made it this far, well fucking done. Upon re-reading It's like a 12 year old scribbled this down but I'm no literary genius and this problem started for me around the age of 12 so perhaps this is my inner childs words and I'm just going along with them.. eh.What do you think? Would you choose to be 'normal' or do you have something to say that might help me progress. More LGBT friends I think is the way forward, I've spent too much time in my own head when it comes to sexuality, I need to know how other minds work.