I'm feeling differently and have a question most have heard a dozen times here

...but I need some help. First, I want to start by saying I'm very far left and very pro-LGBT, I am all for civil rights for all and equality for all and am willing to fight for those rights and defend them every.single.time they come up. Second, I'm confused about something, I want to know what's going on with me. I'm an 18 year old guy who has lost 170 pounds over the course of a year in a half, I'm beginning to get a jawline and tone up, I wear button up shirts with a blazzer over them, which I've had tailored up to fit me well. I wear semi-skinny pants, and a nice pair of shoes. I've been researching how to be an alpha male to pick up women because I've never tried due to low self-esteem. I stand up straight, head held high, and just walk with a sense of entitlement, and speak like I'm talk dog and never look down as if I'm intimidated by someone, some might think I'm stuck up a bit but I was so depressed with such a low self-esteem I want people to think differently of me now. Here lately, though, I've been looking at men differently. I look at how they dress and how they act, and if they're attractive or not (even look at their butts like I would a girls) and some times I hope they're gay. Generally when I get hit on, or can catch someone checking me out, it's by an obvious gay guy, never women*. I saw a man at the gas station today who was incredibly attractive and I wanted to say something about it, but realized what I was about to say in front of my sister and didn't want them thinking I was gay before I knew if I was or not. I just keep looking at men if they are the ideal man and I think I'm becoming more and more attracted to these men. Am I gay or bisexual or bicurious? Or am I trying to get a picture in my head of what I want to look like, act like, and dress like because I'm now having better thoughts of myself in my head? Some additional information if it helps, since I was 14, I've always been into anal. Not receiving, but the porn I watch is never vagina, but always anal because I think vaginas are gross but I'm sure that's common for some men. And my first sexual experience was with a guy, actually, all my sexual experiences have been with guys (just 2, both with my bestfriends). I grow very attached to guys quicker than I do with girls. I have crazy anxiety and being around girls give me anxiety, I feel like I'm being judged or I'm not good enough, or if they're my type or not (and sometimes, it may sound awful, if they're attractive enough or not.) But I'm super comfortable around guys and just really relaxed and happy. Here lately, I'm just not interested in girls, but at the same time I am, because I'm constantly trying to impress them with my style and body, hairstyle and money. I want a girlfriend, I want someone to cuddle up with at night, but I think that's because I've always had this picture in my head that I'm completely straight and want a qt3.14 gf to cuddle with and be with. I have a gay friend who I've had on my facebook since around 2013 (I hung out with him in a group of friends when I was a a young teenager) who has been liking a lot of my pictures and most of my statuses here lately, I'm thinking about hanging out with him at a fair coming up near me and going to a festival with him, might even see if he wants to go catch a movie. Completely as friends, but I want to know if I am or not. Is this a good idea or am I just getting their hopes up and being, in a sense, mean? I would explain to them that I don't know my sexual preference and just want a friend to hang out with. I'm just confused at the moment, the more I think about men, the more I think I want to be with one. Thank you for reading and I hope I didn't offend anyone, if I did, I truly didn't mean it, I'm tired and typed fast because I'm tired lol*My question is, do women even check out guys? How do they act if they're interested or not with someone they don't even know? Guys are completely obvious about it, are girls different? Or am I just ugly to girls but attractive to guys?EDIT: Posted on a throwaway because my other account is completely, 100% politics and I didn't want anyone to read it and wonder about me or anything. Not that I'm afraid of being known as gay or anything, I just don't want conservatives trying to use it as an insult or something in an argument.