What do you think of my (Very Long) Coming Out letter to my Parents?

So i just finished off writing my Coming out letter, and (hopefully) plan to give it to my parents sooner rather than later. I'd just like some feedback on it if possible. And yes, i know its really long but i feel like it gets across all the points i needed to make.Dear Parents - I’ve tried to tell you this for so long, but especially over the last few months. It seems, however, that every time I do, the words just don’t come out or it’s not the right time for me or it’s not the right time for you… I realize that I no longer have a clue as to when the “right” time would be. Actually, I think I’m just waiting for it to be easy and I know that is not going to happen. What I need to tell you is that I’m gay. You may have already guessed. You may have not, I don’t know. I’m so worried that this will change the way you see me. I’m worried that you are jaded and influenced by society’s attitudes towards gay people. I’m so scared that assumptions and stereotypes and fears will take over and nothing will be the same between us anymore. What could possibly be going through your mind while you read this? I’m so afraid that you will feel betrayed, hurt, embarrassed and angry. You have a right to those feelings, to an extent, but you need to wipe out all the stereotypes you carry, and realize that I’m the same person I’ve always been. So, where do I start? as a kid, I sure as hell didn’t know what to call it, but I remember knowing I was different. In high school, I tried to deny it. For so long, I made a conscious decision never to tell anybody as long as I lived. I remember actually telling myself i would rather live alone for my entire life if it meant people never found out i was gay. Can you imagine the feelings I had deciding not to tell anyone about being gay…because the world thinks it’s disgusting? I knew the world thought that this part of me that I could not change was revolting to people. All I wanted was to be accepted and all I saw was this huge part of me that would forever deny me that feeling. I grew up knowing I was something the world, at best, mocked, and at worst, loathed. Can you imagine the pain this caused me growing up? The loneliness? The constant worry that someone would “find me out?” I don’t mean to sound self-pitying or melodramatic, but you need to know. I always knew I was different and that this difference was, by society’s judgments, bad. Imagine knowing something so intrinsic about yourself and having to hide it from everyone you love because you’re afraid they will stop loving you back. Imagine having to put on a mask everyday and pretend to be someone you’re not. Then, one day you realize that the effort it takes to pretend like that everyday has stopped you…me…from being who I really am. I stopped knowing myself. Imagine trying not to have feelings that come totally naturally to you. It was so awful. To have to hide half of who I am from everyone I love has hurt so much. You can't even begin to imagine the pain i'v gone through looking at my family and thinking to myself "All of this could be gone once i come out". Do you know how scary that feeling is? How hopeless you feel when thinking that? Of course you don't, you'll never know how it feels because society views you as "Normal" and views me as "Disgusting" and "Wrong". I can't even begin to count the amount of times i thought of suicide when i was a young kid. Always having nightmares that somehow my family found out i was gay only to look down on me, leaving me with the only option i could think of by killing myself with a knife. I had these thoughts and nightmares at such a young age, we're talking around 7-10 years old. The worst part is i couldn't reach out to anyone for help. The reason i was suicidal is because people around me told me that being gay was wrong and bad. My own family taught me that being gay was gross, perverted and strange. I knew i was gay, and didn't necessarily like it either, in fact i feared it and hated it. But i knew i couldn't change or help it. I was trapped. The only thing i could do is deny that i was gay, hope that these feelings would just grow out of me and go away. Repress any thoughts that i had, control every slight action that i made that might seem "Stereotypically Gay". It was horrible. I avoided any topic that had to do with Gay people so then i could escape acceptance. I wasn't ready, i was scared. But like anything important in our lives, we can't run away from our problems. We must face them head on and accept them. I’m so glad that I’ve finally come to accept it…to accept myself. I’m who I am and whoever can’t handle it can fuck-off. Brandon [My Brother] has known for a few months now. Of course you already know how awesome he is about equality so he has been super supportive of it. Couldn't of asked for a better brother. I've been openly out to all my friends for around the same amount of time too. This has helped me in so many way's. Everyone has been 100% supportive of me. I feel like it's really helped our friendships and I'm so thankful for them being in my life. I think I've really felt like my friends in a small way have been more of a family to me than my own parents have, and i really hate that i feel like that. I shouldn't feel like that, there shouldn't be a reason for any son to feel like that. It's just so hard to feel loved an accepted by my parents when i see you guys hating gay people on TV, or calling someone a "Faggot", Calling something or someone gay because of the way they act or present themselves. These reactions affect me personally, not just because I'm gay but also because its hateful bigotry towards other LGBT people (Lesbian,Gay,Bisexual,Transgender). Some of my friends are LGBT and we all deserve the same level of respect and dignity as anyone else. Every time you say something offensive about gays whether you mean it or not, it effects us and stops progress on an all accepting society. I remember talking to Mum about something one day and she told me how she was worried that i would "Turn out gay" because of the way i was as a kid, and i told her even if i did why would that matter? She said "No one wants their son to be gay, you know?, its just wrong. It makes me feel a bit sick thinking about it.". To you it probably was never meant to mean anything, especially since i told you for so long that i was straight, you probably don't even remember the conversation. But things like that have stuck with me all my life and I'm sure you can see where my fear of coming out to you has come from. I know I'm probably going to deal with a lot of bigotry in my life, and i don't personally have as much of an issue with that because i can handle myself, but what i can't handle is having that bigotry come out of my own family's mouths. That's when it hurts and effects me.And look, i know you probably didn't even know, and never actually meant the things you said. I just don't understand why you felt these things in the first place? If you were so scared to have a gay child, then why did you even have children? You must have known it would have been a possibility. And if you're really not scared, then tell me why someone would say such hateful things about someone? I just don't get it, and i want to understand where your hate or fear or dislike comes from. Because it has to stop. I hope you realize that the reason I’m telling you is so you can be a complete part of my life. I don’t want to have to censor myself around you or not tell you about the people I care about or, more important, about the people who care about me. I want to feel comfortable being myself around you. A few weeks ago you pointed out that i look sad all the time, and i think this is one of those reasons. I don't want to be sad anymore. If someone told me I could take a pill tonight and wake up straight tomorrow morning, I wouldn’t do it. I like who I’ve turned out to be and some of that is because of the things I’ve had to deal with in terms of being gay. It's made me accept myself for me, unconditionally. It's helped me accept my flaws and not care so much about what others think of me or what i do. I finally feel comfortable being me in my own skin after so many years of feeling "Different". Please realize that sexuality is not a choice. You didn’t sit in sex education class thinking, “Gee, should I like guys or girls. Time to decide.” Ridiculous. I was born this way. It is literally genetic, meaning there is no choice and there is no change, it just always is. You were born straight. I was born gay. I did not choose to be gay. I’m not sorry I am , but it wasn’t by choice. Why would someone choose to be something that society can’t accept…something that makes life so much more difficult than it already is? I hope you realize that gay men aren’t attracted to every man they see any more than straight men are attracted to every woman they see. Gay men who are friends do not automatically sleep together. Gay men are no more promiscuous, gross or deviant in their sexual behavior than straight men and women (we just get more press time about it). Ignore all the stereotypes and shit you see in TV or Movies. Most of it is bullshit. And, contrary to popular belief, you can’t always tell when a man is gay. I hope you understand what a huge effort it takes to tell you this. I’m scared. At the same time, I respect that it may be difficult for you to accept. (I mean it took me so many years to accept it too. You may not care (ideally). You may feel really uncomfortable with it. Or, you may have guessed and dealt with it a long time ago. I really have no clue.I’ve heard a zillion different stories about parental reactions. Parents crying, but saying it didn’t matter. One set of parents completely abandoned their son. One mother wanted her son to be in therapy to heal this “disgusting disease.” I've seen so many people who say they’ll come out to everybody except their families. That’s not what I want. I don’t want to have to censor myself. I don’t want to have to alter my stories so they're “straight.” I want you to be a complete part of my life. I know what I'll have to go through, dealing with people who disagree. I've accepted that, you don't ever have to worry about me. I can handle myself. I also am fully aware that i come from a family who isn't exactly fully accepting of gay people, and yes I'll have to deal with their bigotry too, and I'm fine with that. I really don't care about what other people in the family thing about me, they can think what they want. What i do care about is my parents. I love you guys and I'm sure you feel the same. Now you could be like some parents out there who kick their own sons/daughters out of their house just because their sexuality isn't what they expected, you could contribute to the thousands of gay kids who take their own lives every day because their parents disowned them for being gay, or you can be the loving caring parents I've known for so many years and accept me for who i am. It's your choice. Of course i have fears for my future. I fear that i may never be looked at or accepted in quite the same way a straight couple would be. I fear that i can never show my affection and love for my future partner in public, or in front of family. I fear family members that heavily follow religious beliefs will disown me and never see/talk to me again. I think i'v showed some jealousy of Brandon over the years because i fear that you would treat my relationship with a partner differently than you would with his, simply because his relationship would be a straight one. I'm sorry too if this letter comes off a bit angry or self-pitty, but I'm really just trying to give you guys perspective of what its been like for me for so long. It's not even really your fault to an extent, you were likely brought up by a society that told you being gay is wrong. Correct your mistakes, show me that you care. That's what being a good parent is about. Also, please understand that my orientation is not the result of bad parenting on your part. You're both such great parents, and have taught me so many good things. If anyone is to blame for my pain over the years, its society. Not you. I just wanted you to see what its been like for me. So yeah, that's my letter. Over the past few months i'v just been writing down any of my thoughts and experiences here, so if it seemed a bit messy that's why. I hope my points came across clearly, i'v found i can get what i'm thinking about in text form much better than talking about it. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I'll try to answer them as best as i can. I really want us to talk about this, as often as you want, because talking about subjects like this gives you prospective, clears up stereotypes and in the end helps create acceptance and understanding. I don't want this to be something you continue to avoid, because that's the main reason homophobia is still around, miss informed people who are to afraid to understand something that they just don't understand. If there's one thing you can take from this, is that since coming out to my friends I've been the happiest me I've ever been. I'm finally comfortable with myself and i don't want to hide that from my family. I want to be happy and feel accepted around everyone, not just my friend group. I'm sick of hiding and there should never be a reason why i can't feel happy, safe and accepted around my family. I am tired of half truths and deceptions. You deserve a son who lives honestly and truly as you raised him. I deserve a life free of the crushing weight of a millstone of lies, doubt, and hate. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will support me. Your dear and queer son, STRF125L.