I think I've realized I should start finally accepting that I'm gay

I know, that title doesn't seem very confident. Well I'm not.I'm a 23 year old guy. When I was 12 I first had the thought pop up in my mind. 'Am I gay?' I got a girlfriend a few years later and although something kinda was always missing (not confident, again) I brushed it off as me being a sensitive man and stuff like that. I had a hard time 'coming' with my girlfriend but enjoyed sex and felt in love.When I was 18, this girl I thought I was in love with and messed around with kissed a friend of mine, i started doubting more and more. I felt like my inadequacy involving 'getting the girl' had to do with me being gay. I felt like the truth was I didn't really actually want her. She was just a thing I made up for me to avoid accepting my gay sexuality.I tumbled into a depression, anxiety, and the thought popped in my mind so much you could almost label me OCD.Now it's 5 years later and nothing has changed. I'm still doubting. Huge chunks of my day actually. It's always close in my mind. I'm very self aware of how I talk and how I walk and what I say, I don't want to do anything gay. Now this is the biggest problem I have. This internalized homophobia. It's disgusting to me and I feel ashamed. I change how I come across to avoid dealing with the suspicion of me being gay. Because when people ask me, I wouldn't no what to say. Because I'm confused. So now I just say no. Maybe I tell them I think some guys are attractive.I told my parents and some friends about my doubts. They assured me I wasn't gay, since I layed my confusion out for them. They would be pretty much completely accepting if I were to come out, so that's not the problem here.My problem is the constant fear involving my confusion about my sexuality. I rarely feel a severe attraction to girls anymore, they've sometimes showed interest in me, sometimes really beautiful girls some guys would kill for, and I just kinda chickened out. Left 'm hangin because of my insecurity or maybe because I'm just gay.My attraction to guys is not clear either to me. I do catch myself admiring men more than girls. I get obsessed with men in arts, such as comedy and music. I couldn't name one girl I've been obsessed with in that way. So yeah, that doesn't seem very straight. I might be bisexual but I don't know how to deal with it at all. Sometimes i think I'm just depressed and mentally fucked.I watch mostly straight porn, wich I had a hard time really enjoying like I thought straight guys would but the last year I really got into it. Gay porn I usually feel pretty weird after watching it but it does turn me on.So, as you see, still the same cycles of reasoning I've been stuck in for years and it's grinding away at my soul.Sorry for the long and rambling post, I hope I gave an impression of what my mind is like so you can understand and maybe offer me clarification or advice or maybe someone recognizes my situation.