24m, closeted, other stuff

Hey reddit. Turning to you, on a throwaway account, as I usually do when I get drunk and depressed. I guess I'm gay. I mean I have to be. I've fantasized about men many times, and I've watched plenty of gay porn. It'd be insane to think that I'm not gay. And yet somehow my brain still disputes it. I still cling to the idea that I can find a girl, get married, have kids, my own kids. I think I'd be more ok with being gay if I was attracted to people my own age. But I find I'm only attracted to men in their 40s+. Which then makes me think I probably have some deep-seeded daddy issues. That I'm not gay, that I've just gotten confused somewhere along the way, confusing sexual attraction with attention from 'dad' figures. But that's gotta be nonsense - straight guys don't watch naked men on the internet, let's be real.I'm not sure the point of this post. I'm just lonely and feeling more than a bit hopeless. I can't stop obsessing about this one guy I work with - he's straight, married, with kids, so obviously not a realistic relationship. That's the bio of most of the guys I've been into. Sucks when you want to be with some one so badly and to understand that there's literally zero chance of that ever happening.I guess I'm looking for advice? Maybe anyone here can relate? What you did/ how things turned out for you?