I don't want to lead my friend on...

Hey guys

My names Charlie and I'm 18, straight and from Australia.

I'm a college student/struggling musician/waiter.

From what I've heard, every gay guy has that inevitable "straight guy crush".

Well, my friend (Jamie) has this happening to me.

I look after my body and try to look my best, and Jamie is one of my best friends.

He came out three years ago, and I've been 100% supportive and open to his sexuality, as have all our friends since then.

Last year, he confessed to me that he had "very strong feelings" towards me, in the hopes that I would reciprocate his feelings, which I didn't, and I politely but with certainty told him. Since then, I thought it died off, but his feelings are still there.

My friendship with all my friends (straight and gay) has always been very hands-on and touchy feely I guess. Like, I'll tell my mates I love em, and we spoon sometimes, I'm not ashamed. We're very open, seen each other naked and stuff, we're all very close, Jamie included.

I think Jamie really perceives these actions to be of a flirtatious manner, and recently I felt very cruel for "teasing" him like that.

The other day, we were both really drunk, he went yolo and went in for the kiss. I wasn't in my mind and I kinda let it happen and he was on top of me, sucking my mouth, grabbing at my crotch, for about 10-15 seconds before I got up. I didn't blame him or anything, he was intoxicated and I was looking top-notch that night.

I just don't know what to do or whether or not I need to change my behaviour around him, or if I need to just tell him again more bluntly that I'm not interested or just idk give some space between us? Am I a bad person for leading him on with my "flirty" nature?

I guess I just want to know, if you were in Jamies position (some of you may have been), how would you want Charlie (me) to deal with it? Also yeah I'm happy to talk to you guys or answer questions I'm pretty new to reddit though :)

Maybe I should just get uglier... ayyy?