Desperate and heartbroken after I confessed my feelings to my crush.

Hey, so I find myself in the following situation: I am in love with a boy (N.) who texted me through Grindr 3 months ago. We had a date and it was really cool, but apparently I'm not his type. I said to him a couple of days later, that I really like him (I didn't say, that I was in love with him, bcause we knew each other only for one or two weeks during that time). I decided to stay friends with in the hope that he could fall in love with me. The problem was, that I went to France for my studies shortly after and after a month of not teyting I decided to send him a message if we could meet when I visit home for a week. Surprisingly enough, we really met and had a lot of fun, but he told me that he is dating someone at this moment (M.), even if he isn't sure about him. I was heartbroken, but I didn't tell him. I went back to France and we continued to speak to each other on whatsapp for quite a long time (couple of days/a few weeks). When we had holidays here in France, I decided to visit home again, because I really wanted to see my family. And him. So I asked him if he wanted to meet, but apparently he was to busy with work, university and all that stuff. He did say, that he had like 2 hours of time if me met on a saturday, the day before I had to go again to France. But we didn't meet. I was sad, but I guess that it was okay. I only wanted to meet him, because I wanted to speak with him about my feelings. I prefer doing this face-to-face and not via text. That same saturday, we spoke like always (more about what he does and not what I am doing), and then suddenly he sends me a vocal message where he for example explains that he slept at M. house. I was scattered and furious and I asked him if they already sleep at each others houses. The conversation ended more or less with him saying that they didn't had sex and that it is a normal thing to do, especially that they date for 1 or 2 month. He then told me that he would answer me later, because he had a dance performance that night, so I said okay. The next day I went to France again and... nothing. I didnÄt recieve any message. A couple of days later I texted him that I went back to my french number and I asked him what he wanted to say that saturday. Long story short, we had a really bad "fight" in which I told him, that I didn't want to hear anything from M. and where he told me, that if I want to be friends with him, that I have to accept, that he dates other guys. He's right, but I was still heartbroken and furious and I felt something like wanting revenge. The next couple of days I felt really bad so I decided to write a letter to him where I confess my feelings and thoughts and where I also apologized for how the last conversation ended. I told him everything in that letter (3 pages in open office). I worked on it for 3 days and after a night of partying with my friends I send it to him and then went to bed. When I woke up I saw that he responded. He seemed to be really mature about this, but told me that he would only see me as a friend, and that he may/could never love me, because I am not his type. And that me told me of M. because he thought that he can do so since we are "only" friends, but eventually he said, that he realized that I still had feelings for him. BUt that it wasn't his intention to hurt me. As the conversation continues, he seemed to be more than pissed of and I don't know why. For me the letter was something to finally end this whole situation I'm in, so that I can get over it and continue with my own life. The conversation ended because he had another dance performance, and that he would message me the next day. Again nothing, but I decided to not write either. But then he messaged me a few days later, still pissed about this whole situation, reassuring me that I wasn't his type (like always). I responded him after a couple of hours and I said that I wanted to talk to him about this because it was important to me and because I didn't want to run away from this problem. I also told him, that I only want him to be happy, even if I wanted to be that special person to do so and that I would have given him everything/the world, but at the same time I told him, that he gave me enough reasons why I couldn't be in a relationship with him, because of his behavior towards me. I said that I also deserve someone who loves me and sees me like I love and see him. That everyone deserves this kind of person. He then send my a vocal message of about 8 minutes and I was so afraid of what he would say , that I didn't listen to it for nearly 4 or 5 days. I eventually did it, and what he said was again scattering. He said that, if we would stay friends, that it wuld be okay/cool, but thats it. And that he is tired of this whole conversation. So I texted him one final message where I confessed all my thought again. That I was still in love with him, that he is such a fantastic guy, that I truely care about him, that I was sorry if he felt bad. That I felt sad that the only reason why he wouldn't commit to is that I'm not his type, that I accept it, that I'm not mad at him at all and that I know that he never wanted to hurt me. I also told him, that I didn't know if my love for him would ever go away so that we could end up as "just" friends, especially because he and M. will definitely go further into what they have, but if he didn't want to lose me as a good friend, that I would wish that after some time it would be him to message me first. And that then I wouldn't get my hopes up. I apologized for that long text and said that it's his choice if he wants to answer... He didn't.That was now a week ago, and at the beginning I felt numb, but now I'm getting more and more depressed. What should I do? What bugs me is, that M. follows me in Instagram without knowing me (btw N. never followed me), but I'm sure that he recognizes me because N. has a video of ourselves from our first and only date at the carneval in his profile which M. saw and liked. I messaged M. a week ago and today because I wanted to ask him politely if he could unfollow me. It it something that I feel is the right decision. But he doesn't respond. I know I can block him, but as I said, I prefer talking about this things, even if it makes me seem naive. And if M. does not respond, should I ask N. if he can ask M. about this? ... I really don't know if I could ever be in a relationship with N. but I feel this anger sometimes in me. I don't know what to do. And my friends don't really seem to understand. That's why I am here, because Reddit seems to be a good place to ask.