I'm starting to think my small penis makes me unable to enjoy sex...

I came out very late, lost my virginity at 26. I've enjoyed sex, but never felt neural arousal when they suck my cock or gives me a handjob. Not even when I jerk off myself duirng sex with someone else. So I'm hard, but I don't feel anything.First I thought it was nervousness, but it's not.I'm really sexy according to people and people wanna fuck me a lot, but my penis is sooo small. (12 cm, 4.8 inches and a bit thinner than average condom size). So by my appearance everyone expect me to be a sex-god and then I feel they get a bit disappointed when I'm this nice, nerdy, sweet guy with a small dick, but super hot. (which definitely decreases my self-esteem when it comes to sex.)OK so the real problem is that I get really horny (especially during foreplay), but I don't really feel anything when they touch or suck it. And I've started to blame my penis size. My entire single life I've imagined myself having this huge cock and that even helped me cum to girls when I was in denial. But in reality it's small and maybe that's what causes some blockage when we get naked... I don't know. (Almost everyone I get to fuck has a huge cock, which even makes the sex worse for me even though big cocks turns me on)I have felt arousal during sex, but it takes long time (1h+) and I usually have to give it a boost by thinking of hot pornstars at the end. But one time I cummed in a record 10 minutes because my hookup just kept saying sexy stuff with no emotion, just raw words, while I masturbated.Sex is so hard, it's like I constantly have to work for keeping myself aroused and so many thoughts are swirling about in my head. It's psychologically exhausting and it makes me tired. Have I destroyed my ability to have sex because I've imagined myself having a monster cock my entire virgin life?