I used to write a lot more before I made that YouTube channel My Drunk Gay Talk. Here's a sorta recap of my life over the last 7 months

7 months since I've started being open about being gay.It's 2 am and I should finish writing a paper for an astronomy class I'm taking... but sometimes I get in the mood to write more. Helps me think sometimes.In mid/late February I told a decent chunk of the people in my life that I'm gay. I told myself I'd be comfortable with it but I don't know how true that was at the time.Back then (and even now really) I tried to make telling other people I'm gay as low-key as possible. I still get just a tad bit quieter when a group of friends talk about relationships and stuff, and I really refuse to chime in about any gay stuff until I'm directly asked by someone in which case I finally do open up about it.But I still don't talk too much about it.I shared with this community though in the past and y'all were always really cool.Anyway, a few weeks after in March I made a tinder one night (find out why here), and liked 4 or 5 dudes and disliked a bunch more. Part of me felt like the entire idea of the app was really hollow, and I stopped using it after that one night.But one dude messaged me back.His name was Matt. And he was cool, but he was what I called an "advanced gay" haha"Advanced gays" were just the people that I thought were wayyy more experienced with... well, with just being gay. Relative to me at least. (Plus, he had sex with way more dudes too before going out with me.)There's a whole story with him and who he was, but the long story short is I fell in love with him after he told me he loved me after the first date, and that should have been a red flag, but it wasn't. I really "went out" with him for about a month and a half maybe. Looking back now... it sucked. And I really think I just liked him so much because he was the first guy I ever allowed myself to like.Matt had to leave after a few months to go do some movie in L.A. so I knew it couldn't last long, but now I look back and wish it ended sooner than it did. He didn't really liked to talk to me and the only time we ever hung out I never felt like he liked me that much... at all despite him saying otherwise.At the end of April we stopped talking.I was upset.It didn't have a concrete ending. I just knew I needed to let it die. And I did.I was really confused about what it meant to be gay still. I think I became a bit more comfortable with things though. Just being open about things and not fearing social constructs of what people are supposed to be. I was just gonna like what I liked and not worry about anything else.But after Matt... the rebellious nature that I think is part of most young dudes came out quite a bit stronger.I told my best friend I was gonna go back on tinder and "have a much more platonic relationship" -- which was my fancy wording for "Imma go fuck a dude."That didn't work.In the middle of May I started talking with another guy (even now it feels weird just to call him another guy...).I talked with him a bit, and I WAS ON POINT. I was funny as shit. (Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George is funny in meetings but then needs to get outta there before they realize he's not funny at all haha)We eventually went out though... and I was all like "whoa, hold the fuck up"I went into the first date as care fucking free as I possibly could.That was great, but also terrible because this new dude I started to really like him. But the part that changed everything:I really think he likes me too.This is still partially mindblowing to my mind, but none the less imma role with it for now.So platonic relationship like I told my buddy (i.e. "let's just have sex") went out the god damn window because now 4 months after meeting him I still care about how is motherfucking day is going everyday for some stupid reason.He is almost certainly solely responsible for what was the greatest summer of my life so far.I like him.So yeah, that is my recap of gay related stuff over the last 7 months.Shit is complicated and wild.