Scared to talk to anyone, please help

Hi everyone. So I'm not sure how often this stuff is posted and I'm really sorry if it's not allowed/ is intrusive but idk where else to postSo as the title suggests I'm extremely scared to talk to anyone and the few people I asked can't help me much. I need answers, so I'll get right into it.Iv been heterosexual all my life and was even disgusted of dick in the early stages of my discovering porn. So much that I could only watch lesbian porn before slowly becoming OK with heterosexual porn. For the past year or so, however, I have been watching a lot of transsexual porn. I started playing with my asshole when Jacking off here and there. After a while bought a vibrator that I occasionally use (takes a lot of effort, but feels amazing when using) Iv also been geting a heavy urge to suck dick. Like sometimes I even stare at my dick and fantasize about sacking it. But Im not attracted to big dicks. I'm not attracted to hairy dicks or muscular hairy men. Most masculine things I'm not attracted to. Even the thought of kissing a guy is unattractive. I find traps attractive, and they only have to be mildly convincing. I tried watching gay porn a bunch of times but it didn't cut it for me either.Please I need help. I just want advice