A story of regret

We met on Tinder. I'm 50, divorced and bi- though after a twenty year marriage with a woman, I'm seeing a lot more guys than girls. In the years since my ex and I split up, I've become a face for the LGBTQQAAIPPP2+ Communities (I swear, one more effing letter in the acronym, and the damned banner will need to be run up and down the street, instead of across it). I look good for fifty, in a suburban, Camry-driving, Costco-shopping missed the gym five years in a row way). I still have my hair, it's 95% dark, and I am smart and funny. So I'm told.He's 21, from a semi-rural area a little out of town (a place where five acres is small, but you're only 30 minutes from Costco.). He plays baseball in college, has had the same best friend since he was five, and has a girl in his life. I've recently found his Facebook, and she looks quite capable of shanking me, while still saying “please”, “thank you”, “sir”, and “ma'am”). She's country. Not glossy Shania Twain country, but horses and lemon juice in her hair on sunny days country. He's a little taller than me, toned in a lanky baseball-player way. He's a ginger, which melts me a little. He swiped right! Oh, that heady moment when Tinder lets you know “It's a Match!”We start chatting. I cannot give you verbatim messages, for reasons I'll explain later, but almost everyone knows how this works.“Hi” “Hello” “How's your night going?” “Pretty good, yours?” “”what are you looking for on here?”Well, shit. That question. It's so difficult: be confidant, but not arrogant; open, but not needy; flirty, but not a perve (“Jesus Effing Christ, I'm 29 years older than he is! There is a very real chance that I am older than his parents!” Which has happened. More than a few times. It never really stops me, but it can slow me down at times).“Well, chat is nice, you can never have too many friends, I met a boyfriend on another app. HBU?”“Cool, well- I'm sort of new to this, so maybe hanging out a little, see what happens.”“That would be nice”We swap brief autobiographies. He mentions a girl he's known since kindergarten, his best friend who has been a part of his life as long as he can remember. It sounds so Mayberry. Except he's asking a fifty year old guy about what I'm into sexually. I tell him. He says “wow, you've done a lot.”We meet in a public place. We click. As in, I like this sexually confused, earnest baseball-playing ginger. He seems to like me.We message each other on Tinder several times a day. He frequently asks when we can meet up again, maybe watch a movie, or something.After several false starts, he comes over. My roommate opens the door, makes herself scarce, we start watching “Friends”, which reminds me he was young when it went off the air. Like, I was married when it was broadcast. He may have been wearing braces. I point out how different the show would be now. Ross walks off the scene at Central Perk to make a phone call. He's like, “Oh, wow! He'd use his phone and text now”. He's very nervous. I offer him a drink. When I bring it to him, I sit closer. He takes a breath, and puts his head on my shoulder. Sooner than I would have believed possible three minutes before, we are making out. Furiously. He stops, says “this is my first time doing guy stuff.” We resume making out. I run my hand up his shirt, play with his nipple. He jumps a little, and moans. I'll skip the tawdry details for now, but the next four hours saw a lot of first for him. I guess tough little country girl is not very adventurous in bed.At 3:00 in the morning, he leaves. What had been a novella of messages turns into one or two line messages. A couple of times a day. I think to myself “he's freaked out”, and two things come to mind: my father always telling me to keep my options open, whenever possible; and my friend who tells me that I can only be with someone as out as I am. I need someone who is not complicated. I do not need the drama of a coming out story. But I like him. His Tinder profile has a link to his Instagram, which uses his full name. I pull him up on Facebook. I like what I see. I sigh, and unmatch him on Tinder. I have no other way to contact him. It is done.

So tday was fun!!!

I've been picking my spot for coming out, but at tday dinner all my dad and brother were talking about was how much they hate gay people. This makes coming out more fun/s

How do you get over a straight crush?

Hey, just a 15 year old gay guy here with another one of those infamous 'I'm in love with a straight guy' posts.This guy I'm crushing on has dropped hints ALL the time that may show that he could be bi or even gay, but at the same time they can be seen as just the typical straight guy acting gay as a joke. Some of these hints were directed at me in a slightly sexual manner but in the end its probably just him joking around. But i won't name any of them since it'd just be some useless long list.Anyway, I see him all the time kind of flirting with the girls in my class and it breaks my heart a little, so I'm here to ask; how the heck do I get over this crush? I don't talk to him at all, since we aren't friends; and I'm too shy to directly ask him (whether it be over social media or in person) whether he is gay or not. A little advice would be greatly appreciated.

When a Jamaican Official Applauds Same-Sex Marriage …

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I want a boyfriend😢😢😢😭😭😭

I see so many cute guys ( im gay) and wonder when I'll finally be able to have someone in my life that will hold me, kiss me, cherish me, and be all mine.... I often wonder if something's wrong with me... Maybe I need to smile more. Most guys seem shy if not quiet...😔😞😒 maybe I have to be the first to make the first move. Maybe I have to make a fool out of my self and be rejected by a few dozen before the right one accepts me... Once again... So many cuties... And yet still single... Redditt... What is your advice? Yes I do literally laugh out loud and try to initiate conversations... Not sure what I could be doing wrong???🙁😒

Help Me!:Grindr

18, virgin, and I want to do it, but really don't know if I should do grindr. Also don't know anybody I could get closer with. Suggestions??

Lonely 18 year old Scottish male here.

I am ever so lonely. Looking for a meaningful relationship with a guy.

I love my boyfriend😘

We met on Reddit a month ago and since then we've been madly in love. I want to thank this community for being here and helping us come together...❤️️

Confused on my sexuality

So for I'm attracted to girls, however I'd NEVER have sex with a girl. I'm attracted to guys and would have sex with them. Am I gay or Bi? I think I'm gay since I'd never have sex with a girl but I'm attracted to them

We're looking for Gaymers

Hey guys, we are a newly established Gaymers community on Discord. We are small group of gaymers looking for other gaymers out there to come join, discuss and play with. You can find us at this link http://ift.tt/2ec5gM1

So it's on Facebook, so it's official now.

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Heterosexual has questions

I am a heterosexual man who has legitimate questions about homosexual intercourse. 1. How does man on man sex end If 1 is doing the penetrating and climaxes how does the other get off? Do partners swap out night by night. 2. Women dont really have an off button do yall set a time limit? 3. How does a couple decide who is doing what yo whom? Can you just tell sometimes or do you have to have an awkward conversation before the initial deed?

Anyone rebooting like me here?

NSFW I know this is no /r/nofap. But I want to share with you guys trough this post my story.I'm 22 and I was trying to have a normal sex life, not so sure if I want now or what, I'm not close to that but just don't know because don't know the real value of sex as an aspect of my life and aspect of a relationship. The short story is that I had problem to have an erection 3 times, with 3 different guys, and by the end of the day I come up with the conclusion I had erectile dysfunction. I used to use porn regularly as an escape to a reality that I lived so conditioned, I mean I used to live in a small town in Argentina in Patagonia region (south of the south), where being gay is great new for people there but as something to share and speak about you and not to cheer you. So basically porn until age 18 then I moved to the capital of the country and had sex for the fist time, as bottom. I used to though I don't value as a top which was for me an idealization of something that never was able to fit in my reality. Okay then I improved my self steam and things like that, and tried as top, I don't work, then again and again. Well that's kinda my story in porn by now I'm living in Buenos Aires and hope eager for sex but real one, in order to do so I'm giving my 100% in Rebooting to overcome this ED.I'm happy to participate in this community since I withdraw me from porn world I started to living my sexuality in a healthier way and being more social and caring towards myself with others I was always caring but you know what they say: To say I love you, I come first.I am enjoyed my time here and helping and sharing with others is nice and cool :)PS: My Current streak is 8 days to 9 tomorrow morning NSFW

Young, ignorant, and curious gay seeking to learn more about the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. Please help!

I was listening to a great interview with Cleve Jones, a prominent LGBT activist and the creator of the AIDS quilt, and it was a sobering reminder of just how little I know about the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. As a 22-year-old, I've only ever known HIV as a scary but perfectly treatable disease, as opposed to a near-certain death sentence. Yet as a gay man, I feel like it's a responsibility of mine to learn the stories of the generation of LGBT individuals who had to face the disease in its raw, untreated form, and who were decimated as a result.I'm wondering if anyone can point me to books, documentaries, podcasts, or other media that effectively detail and document this era of LGBT activism. I'm interested in all aspects of the narrative, from the literal science behind the treatment of the virus to the personal stories of the partnerships and communities that were devastated during its development. In particular, I'm curious about AIDS-related policy and the response (or lack thereof) to the epidemic by the US government - I've seen a lot of criticism of the Reagan administration for its refusal to take early action against the virus, but I'm curious what exactly that refusal consisted of in policy terms, as well as what an effective response to the disease by the federal government would have entailed.And of course, if anyone has any personal stories or experiences that they would like to share in this thread, that would be much appreciated.Thank you so much!

boyBITCH - Lover [electro-pop]

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I'm starting to think my small penis makes me unable to enjoy sex...

I came out very late, lost my virginity at 26. I've enjoyed sex, but never felt neural arousal when they suck my cock or gives me a handjob. Not even when I jerk off myself duirng sex with someone else. So I'm hard, but I don't feel anything.First I thought it was nervousness, but it's not.I'm really sexy according to people and people wanna fuck me a lot, but my penis is sooo small. (12 cm, 4.8 inches and a bit thinner than average condom size). So by my appearance everyone expect me to be a sex-god and then I feel they get a bit disappointed when I'm this nice, nerdy, sweet guy with a small dick, but super hot. (which definitely decreases my self-esteem when it comes to sex.)OK so the real problem is that I get really horny (especially during foreplay), but I don't really feel anything when they touch or suck it. And I've started to blame my penis size. My entire single life I've imagined myself having this huge cock and that even helped me cum to girls when I was in denial. But in reality it's small and maybe that's what causes some blockage when we get naked... I don't know. (Almost everyone I get to fuck has a huge cock, which even makes the sex worse for me even though big cocks turns me on)I have felt arousal during sex, but it takes long time (1h+) and I usually have to give it a boost by thinking of hot pornstars at the end. But one time I cummed in a record 10 minutes because my hookup just kept saying sexy stuff with no emotion, just raw words, while I masturbated.Sex is so hard, it's like I constantly have to work for keeping myself aroused and so many thoughts are swirling about in my head. It's psychologically exhausting and it makes me tired. Have I destroyed my ability to have sex because I've imagined myself having a monster cock my entire virgin life?

When i'm feeling a little under the weather..

I browse the internet for gay love stories, then i become a lot better. shut up, it works for me. 😂😂

Help for methods or practice

Guys I wanna ask if do you know any methods or practice to stop being hyper active on sex and masturbation.This habit has been eating me for almost a decade. I had partners before where it went to nothing because of my hyper in sex. After we had sex, I would ask for another one and they all end up breaking up with me. I am always moody and irritable because of this. I can't even resist myself.I stopped dating and I become addicted to masturbation. After I'm done treating my self.. couple of minutes.. do it again. Moody anxiety depression I hate it. But once I masturbate, that electric feeling, that rushing breathe is like heaven. I am always weak, my body feels weak. Because of my moody atmosphere, it affected my family and friends. I even lost friends because of this.I want to live a normal life. And I want to become a healthier person. I am trapped inisde this bubble and I wanna break.Do you know any methods or practice for me to stop. Any suggestion will be much appreciated.

Hate against monogamous guys in the gay world...

I was just on a dating app (not Grindr) where a married open couple hit me up for "fun". All I simply said was "Thanks, but I'm not into that. I'm a monogamous LTR type here". They replied with "What a judgemental asshole! Good luck with that!"Has anyone else witnessed this hate for guys like me that are looking for monogamy? I didn't call them out or say anything mean at all about their relationship, yet I keep having open couples approach me and get super pissed when I don't want to have sex with them. Just curious if I'm the only one experiencing this or am I somehow being rude for politely turning them down?

I´m feeling a little overwhelmed. Some support would be very much welcome :)

Things have been going all right recently, but in the last two days several people in my family have been absolute dicks with comments like 'whos the girl and the guy' and 'you sound gay but don't look gay' and frankly it's kinda spilled the bucket a little. Most of my friends live far away and my I feel uncomfortable to come out at my new job because the environment's pretty homophobic. Having that in my home as well really doesn't help right now.I feel very aware of how my immediate family and home environment simply don't realize how I feel. I get that, I really do. Some people just don't, and that's ok.But I've been feeling lonely for weeks now and right this moment I feel so overhwelmed by it.Please tell me this passes. That things do actually get better. I know it does in my head but it'd be great to hear it from someone else as well right now.

Help! Cheated on my distant BF, what should I do?

I'm a college student in Beijing, China. I have been in a serious relationship with my BF for about 4 years. I really love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. However, he studies in my hometown, which is 1500 km away. We only meet at holidays, and almost spend most of the holidays with each other. This semester, I felt so horny that I talked with other guys in Blued (tinder in China), then he gave me a blowjob in the toilet at school. After that, I felt so bad and didn't log in the Blued for about one month. Recently, one guy in the Blued offered me blowjob. I agreed. But it turned out that I fucked that guy in ass. I felt so sorry for my BF now, but I think can't resist the impulse to get another blowjob from others. And he is going to study abroad for about 2 years. You know, guys always get horny every several days. What should I do? I do not want to break up with him.

I'm torn. I want a better boyfriend, but I still love him

Hello. I made this account here because I'm looking for advice on what I should do about my current boyfriend because I haven't found useful suggestions anywhere else. So I'm 22 and my boyfriend of 7 months just turned 20, and I don't know what to do about him. I met him through a friend, and I normally wouldn't give someone like him a chance but there was something different about him. He is Spanish-American, really short, five foot two with long brown/black hair down to his shoulders, an attractive face with small dark eyes, a big jawbone and a small chinstrap with broad shoulders a nice butt and a slim but muscular body. We started off as friends and we got to know each other over a few months when he finally asked me out, and me not knowing what I would be walking into I said yes. He's the only person I've met outside of a dating app so I thought it would be good to give this a chance, oh how wrong I was. We took things slow and didn't get intimate for the first month or so, then one night things started getting hot. We started kissing and one thing led to another, he pulled down my pants and started giving me head but then when I pulled down his pants I was shocked. His penis was so small. I tried not to act bothered but I felt disgusted. His penis wasn't just small but it's the smallest I've ever seen. I asked him how big it was and he told me he was average... hah what a lie. It wasn't even the size of a banana. I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt because we had gotten to know each other so I didn't dump him. So for the next few months I put up with his bottoming, he rides good and gives amazing head but is just so ugly to look at completely naked. He goes from a 7 to a 2 as soon as his underwear comes off. We're both verse and he keeps asking me to suck it but I haven't been able to. It's hard to even jack him off because I can only use one hand. It makes me feel so weird. It's even worse now that he's gaining weight but I'll go into that later. I had wondered about his penis so one night when he was asleep and hard, I measured his "cock" and it was only 5 inches... ONLY 5. I could put up with it if he was taller but god damn, its like I'm fucking a young teenager with body hair. This was the first lie I caught him in so far, but still... how can I trust him? He told me he was average but he's 5" (5.1" bone pressed and 5" thick). I know that 6"x 5." is the average length & width for a straight man and 7.5"x 5.5" is the average for a gay man; he doesn't fall into either category. Its terrible too because he's everything I could ever want in a boyfriend's personality. He buys me roses, takes candle lit baths with me, rubs my back until I fall asleep, loves kissing me in public, and brings me home my favorite foods and tells me all the time how much he loves me and how I'm the greatest thing that's ever happened to him blah blah blah. He even talks about saving up for a trip to Hawaii which sounds like a fantasy. It's so hard to appreciate it when he's so lacking in all lengths. I'm five foot 11 with a beautiful chiseled face, blonde hair with big blue eyes and a decent 8 inch penis, abs, and a muscular and thin body. I get complimented all the time about my looks and each time it gets more and more tempting to ditch my "man" for a real one. I don't want to leave him because I know he won't ever be able to find someone like me, but I shouldn't have to suffer because of him. If he's really short that's one thing, If his penis is unusually small that's another thing, but honey... both can't do. Recently he's been crying to me at night, holding me for hours because he's scared I'll leave him and that he's not good enough for me because he's been hurt in the past. I tell him it isn't true but it is deep down. I also like being the small spoon but he's always gotta be the small one because of how small he is. It's so hard to deal with this. Why does the perfect personality have to taunt me by being inside such an imperfect guy? It's almost like the universe hates me. He's also getting more and more insecure by the day which is making me resent him. He was confident when we started dating but now he cries at me all the time and needs me to tell him he's enough. He can't get hard anymore, he's always sad and he gained a whole 15 pounds too and has a little belly now which I hate. It feels so gross holding him and having his once flat stomach pressed against me. I want to be honest with him but I don't want him to feel any worse than he does. His birthday was a few weeks ago and I bought him a gym membership and workout clothes but he cried and left. All I wanted to do was help but he's so insecure he couldn't even appreciate my effort. I want to break up with him so bad, but I feel bad because I'm the best thing he could ever ask for. I doubt anyone else would want to deal with all his imperfections if I barely can. I told a friend of mine about some of this but he said I'm being nasty and superficial and I should feel honored to have someone like him. That's not true because if I WAS superficial I wouldn't have even said yes to him because of how short he is. I didn't mention his penis size though so that might be part of it. I get told that we're cute together but each time I hear it I feel worse because they don't know what he looks like naked. Can I have any advice? Should I break up with him and find a real man or should I give my little guy a chance?

Movember donations pleaseeee!

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My (A Gay Guy) First Attempt on A Relationship with A Straight Guy

Another school year meant new friends, new memories, new experiences. Immediately, my year started off great. Over the course of summer, I've undergone a lot of things. I got myself a haircut to die for, actually seriosuly worked out and brushed up on my sense of fashion that was always in there but was just waiting to be awakened from its slumber. So obviously, I instantly grew popular in school. It wasn't that I craved attention, but once it's given to you, it's kinda hard to get off.I made new friends of people I never even dreamt of sitting beside with. The jocks, the queens AND the nerds, I felt like I could fit in to any of them whenever I wanted. So, when class was officially beginning, we had our orientation on Media and Information Literacy, which meant the class evacuating to the cyber lab.As is in any class, the teacher tried to entertain and educate us at the same time while everyone else tried to chatter off amongst themselves. I was one of the people who actually listened. After all, I had to earn my keep to the nerds section.That was when one of the jocks talked to me. John, his name was. Soon after introducing himself, he proceeded to bury me with his endless line of corny jokes. I pretended to laugh when I can, so as not to seem rude since we just met, but my mind was trying to recall everything I knew about him the entire time.We've been in the same school since elementary, but he kinda never existed until now, or at least to me. He tagged along with the typical jock brotherhood, but he was kind of the nice one in the bunch, the one who'd stop the group from going overboard with their bullying and pranks, but that's not to say he didn't join in whenever he can.He was nice enough, actually really kind and perhaps cute in that boy-next-door way but he was getting annoying. I mean, I'm not a snob but sometimes, I don't really socialize with some people because I know the conversation would just end in awkward silence and disbanding. My humor lands me a seat in any table I choose, but I enjoy deep, long conversations about life and problems. John just didn't seem the type. Whenever he talked to me, or cracked his shitty jokes, I'd smile, even laugh, but I never said anything more. I felt sorry as that put him in an awkward position but sometimes, people try to cover for the insecurity of this situation by, ironically, persisting with more awkward conversations.I lost track of how, but soon, I developed feelings for the guy. My saying he was quite was cute kind of an understatement, though calling him hot would be a step too far. Let's just say he's attractive, is part of the basketball varsity, and that's enough to have girls swooning. He was popular too, but we got along awkwardly. As the days went by, he started doing these cheesy things to and for me. He'd often sneak up on me and kiss me on the cheeks by surprise or whenever I talked to him online about a task for the school project I wanted him to do, he'd reply with a "Okay, baby.", complete with a kiss emoji. Don't get me wrong, he's naturally flirtatious, and who's to say he doesn't do that to others, even to other guys, but it made me fall for him. I tried to think nothing of it, but I can't ignore how sometimes, he'd stare into my eyes a fraction too long, and that he's willing to do anything I ask him to. I'd even go as far as testing him and say silly things like "I miss you, baby." and he wouldn't even seem fazed. He'd even reply with an equally cheesy remark, complete with the baby endearment.By then, my feelings developed and the worse thing was that I hadn't even realized it. I'd spend sleepless nights pondering about our relationship, and how earlier I expressed my annoyance as to how he keeps asking for my perfume even though he has his own, and he'd replied that he "wanted to smell the same as me". I rolled my eyes, but I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't flutter for a moment.One day, I was in a bad mood, and as usual, ended up staying up late chatting with him. Out of boredom, I cracked one of my own jokes to match his but he went quiet all of a sudden and dismissed. Admittedly, it kinda hurt, but not so much as to merit what I did next. I completely shut him off and ignored him for days to come. He was confused by my behavior at first, and even tried to communicate with me as usual, but I gave him the cold shoulder and this has got him worried.He apologized profusely, personally and through chat but I always turned a blind eye. I've long cooled off since then, and was keeping the act up for my own amusement, but I was touched by his concern and care for me and our friendship which I thought little of, but to him, was something special. No one's ever been that way to me before, and it felt something more than friendship, and that was how I was, indubitably, completely, foolishly in love with him.I decided to forgive him. I tried going back as to how things were before. I responded to his subtle intimate suggestions but something felt off. I should've known something was wrong then, but life went on as usual, and I was falling even further. He was more than relieved I started talking to him again, and was more intimate than before. He'd hug me, kiss me more, and stay late with me in school even though I wanted to be alone. If I hang out at the bleachers with my friends while the basketball varsity practiced, he'd meet my gaze and publicly announce that this shot was for me. It'd go in more often than not.See, I've never been out, at all, but I met this girl who was from another country, and she was damn well open-minded. Actually, if I was straight, I'd totally have the hots for her. No joke when I say she's pretty, smart, and really kind. Also, she's athletic. We had been groupmates with John and others on a certain project, and after the group session, we'd both stay behind and I'd fill her in on what was going on. She actually said it was 'sweet' and that I shouldn't feel ashamed because love is something that transcends sexuality and gender, but she did advise me to just keep it to myself for now because as far as she knows (and to my knowledge, too), John was homophobic and that to be fair to me and him, I had to make sure my feelings weren't just a 'spur of the moment' thing, and would be gone next thing I know.The thing is, it wasn't. What I felt, am feeling, is as genuine as can be. The scary thing was, I've never felt this way before. Sure, I've been gay for as long as I can remember and my attraction to men didn't really come as a surprise but I always had my eyes on impossibe guys. You know, the typical celebrity, and even a little on my step-dad (long story, but if you're interested, I'd share about it on another article) for a period of time, but to be attracted to a classmate, to a friend, it scared the living hell out of me. It was exciting, exhilarating even. I've never been in a relationship, never wanted to be in one anyhow until now. I wanted nothing more than his affection for me and to be able to express my own to him.That was when things went wrong.I was well-aware of his infamy as a fuck-boy (if you don't know what that means, look it up), and after I fell for his charms and maneuvers, he kinda felt distant afterwards. We were still friends but whenever I reached out, he didn't respond with the usual energy. It was as if after he got what he want, he just kinda left me in the dust. I was something special, something different, a rare male trophy to be added to his collection of women he's charmed in similar ways.Little by little, I was seeing him under a different light. He was kind, that was still true at least, but he jumped from woman to woman, and would leave once he decides he's bored. What I found disgusting was how he ends things so cowardly. He'd suddenly grow cold to the poor girl, and blame her for as to why the relationship didn't work out. The longest one was (surprise, surprise) one fucking month. And that's not all. He actually BELIEVES that it's the girls' fault. Like, it's not, and never was, his fault he gets bored, and he doesn't even mention it. The fact that he's grown tired of the girl, that is.I know all this about him, and I resent it from my very core, but woe is me when I say that I still like him. I'm still protective about him, steering him from friends who were bad influence, from doing things he'd regret like going to the mall in boxers (sure, that's hot, but on him? Nope. Just nope.). Basically, I was protecting him from himself out of love. He was a sad sop who craves attention although he was already good enough, at least for me. He subtly shadows over popularity and it hurts my heart to know that he thinks himself less of what he is, and that's what's making him less of a person. It's complicated, as is in every love situation. All I know is I still love him although he hurt me and constantly hurts himself, and I'll admit it sucks that he's VERY open-minded (note the sarcasm) and won't be willing to do anything with me other than win me over, but like my friend said, love is something that transcends gender and sexuality. I have never had sexual thoughts of him (okay, I do, but they don't really turn me on) because all I want is to love and be loved by him.So, uhmm, that's my story. Shitty, I know. Long story short, he kinda made me fall for him which I did (my fault, I know) and I'm beginning to crave a relationship but I feel like a gay man can't satisfy me (once more, my fault). I can't really descrbe it as well as I could and didn't want to proofread it for fear that if I do, I might lose my nerve and delete what I poured my heart and time into, so pardon the grammatical lapses and misspelled words. If you think it's my fault, I won't feel offended. It's always nice to have someone else's opinions because like I said, I never came out to my friends. Tell me what you think, and help with what you can. If homosexuality offends you, I can make another article about that. Until then, thanks for reading and good luck to your own personal lovelives because I sure as hell know things can get damn complicated. Buh-bye.

Queer: A Graphic History (graphic novel) was released a few weeks ago. It's good!

https://twitter.com/shulcers/status/803866984152788992

I just came out to my 2 best friends!

I have 2 best friends, both of which are girls. I became friends with them last year during the beginning of the fall 2015 semester. I've since become the best of friends with them, and have been thinking about telling them I was bi for a while, but never acted on it because I was scared, mainly because they would the first ones I would come out to that aren't a part of the LGBT community. I made the decision to tell them tonight because I quickly realized that they're my best friends. They love me no matter what, and vice versa. I ended up telling them after we went to the gym together. I told them that we needed to have a family meeting because I needed to talk to them about something. The way I phrased it (especially since it's such a scary thing to do) is, "I play for both teams." The way they responded was so genuine and loving. They both told me that they really appreciate that I told them, because—in their words—it shows them how I'm growing as a person and how I'm able to be completely honest with them. They said if anything, it makes them love me more than they already did. That was such a warming thing to hear. I really am glad I made the decision to come out to them because, after the fact, I feel like I made the right decision. Thank you, best friends for making this such a special night and for loving me for who I am.

Why

Why am I always that guy.He's in a breakup with his boyfriend. Staying at his moms place.I'm in need of company and desperate for attention.He leaves a lot of information out and we end up hooking up.Now suddenly he doesn't talk to me and him and the boyfriend are getting back together.Why am I always the "in between" one.Frustrating.

I think i like ....

Hi! I'm a half filipino with a blood of spanish. Well the thing is, 3 months ago I realized that I'm not really straight after my girlfriend broke up with me last 2 years ago. I reflected for the last 2 years and even tried dating other girls but it's not the same feelings i felt for my girlfriend. I'm not yet out, yeahp it's really hard for me since i don't have anyone that i can talk about it. I'm planning to come out after i graduated college then probably will transfer to US since my uncle (who's a gay guy but i'm also afraid to tell him :( )works there. I'm pretty close to my uncle but i'm still a afraid to tell him or maybe i'm just not yet ready to come out. Any advice for gay guys on medical field? :) I take any advice !!!

Any British gay men?

I'm American, I hate it here really. I can't stand the type of guys here. I just would really like to try dating a guy outside of my country. It's not for the accent or a "green card" i just seem to enjoy their company and attitude more than American guys. I'm a 20 year old white male. :)

Grindr Messages From Far Away?

Do any of you get messages from Grindr users who live far away from you? Some of the messages that I continue to receive are invitations to meet up.Does this mean they are willing to pay me for round trip airfare, rental car and a hotel room if I supposedly agree to meet them? :p

I want to come out but i cant.

I am a 16 year old guy that lives in the UK. I am already out to my grandmother, well i didnt say to her "i am gay" I wrote her a note that i was going to give to her but at the last minute i pussied out and left it under my bed where she found it a month or so later.Now my dilemma is i want to come out to my grandfather. I dont know how he will take it though. For examples when there has been something on the TV with a gay person or couple he has said something like "hes/they're poofs"Maybe he doesn't mean anything homophobic by it and its just because he was born in the late 40s. He doesn't seem to have a problem with other members of the family that are gay and when a family member came to stay at ours with her girlfriend he didn't look like he cared about the sexuality.I was just sat downstairs with him watching TV and tried to say the words " I am gay" but i just couldn't, i wrote it on a piece of paper but i was to worried to give it too him,i was sat shacking i just couldn't tell him. Part of me hates having to live a lie and not being able to be myself but then i am too much of a pussy to tell him.I hate it.Can anyone suggest anything to help?

hi

I Just wanted to tell this story in for which ink why but for some reason I need to tell it to someone.Oh ma gwad it's gonna be a long ass story💀...oh and its about love and my heart being broken and how love is a piece of shit and how you will tell you're self you aint shit (Which I aint😌😥) So it was my first year in highschool(Yes....love was very real mf💀💀💀Dont do me) I was walking down the hallway heading to my gym class and as in walking down the halls I see him(Idkk but I feel like you would search this for some reason idk but just know you gmfu) anyways he sees and his friend was calling for him and he kept his eyes on me and I was like "are you going to turn your neck💀💁❤"in my head and It was likeone of does looks where you look at someone and look away and I was like "Hold tf up☝👀🔥🔥🙉🙊🙈who was that loool" And I looked back and as I turn a little to the back he was already looking back on me and this was when I didn't know that ment someone is attracted to you so I turn back and head to gym. and that was when I had no one to eat with at lunch and was merviys around that big ass crowd so after that day I stayed in the library every day until my Soph. year but anyways and when lunch be over the shortest way to class was through the exit close to me but I chose to go the other way and saw him right at the spot...him and his football friends( yes He's a football player fam🙈🙈😭💓)and I felt like he was quite famous in that highschool cause everyone is happy around him..laughing together...play football together..I never really seen him more than my sophomore year because that's when I stayed at the library alone😢😢😢😏but its coo...oh and I forgot to tell y'all that i littrraly or if that's how you spell it😂 wrote a whole page on my phone about him and the expierance throught 2 years ( telling you this was the first time I fell in love)anywho but then sophomore year came up so on register day for high school I came up there with my little brother and sister and walked in to get my photo I.d picture in the commons as I walk out I see him on the wall with his friend and when he saw me he (You know how you can see what people are doing while you're looking at something else?yea that) I see that he's turning head as in passing by him and I was like😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 in my head and went to get my little bro and sis and left.after that sophomore year started past like 3 months he was in streignth and condition class and him and his class have to come to our gym and so 10 mins passed everybody is playing basketball And use to be energetic in that class but I got lazy so I sat on floor leaning against the wall.and he starts playing basketball.Then after like 4-5 times seeing hi. in gym this one day I was sitting against the wall I watched him play basketball and I felt like he was trying to impress me knowing that he's a football player and I turned and looked at the other court to my left and I felt like someone was watching me like I would feel like a little energy poke my head💀💀💀and I turned back and he was tieing up his shoe but except he was looking at me and quickly loomed back down..(I did feel special that day....)and gym was over.Then one day we had both wore tan pants,Grey jackets but I as wearing my slides..I walk in the hallway AnD see him in the exact kind of clothes I have on and he turned when I turned...I was looking at him like👀👀👀umm we wearing the same thing😱😂😂.there was not a day I wouldn't see him.I think that the reason why...(loll I remember that little bandage he had on his face 😱😱he was so cute like awwwww😭😭😭😭😭😭😧and he has a babyface OH MAH GAWD LMAOOO. )🙇🐸🍵 but back to the story I this k the reason why I was getting comfortable around him was because I see him EVERY SINGLE DAY yes I wish I could put that on bold.(OHHHHH AND I FOUND OUT THAT HE.... NVM) 👈yea.there been some stuff that made me mad at at some much too bihhhh loool but anyways he seen my mom before or atleast I think he saw her cause that was the day I walked out of school with my mom and he was on his phone AnD I was nervous Asff cause my mother is right next too me and in here on boi.I was hoping my mom was gonna say"Hey you remember me?!?!"💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀but nah that aint happen LMAOOO but after that one day I was sitting down and I was thinking of him.I couldn't stop and I was lime why it was like a fly messing with me and I wanted to slap the shill outta my head and I can't remember what I thought of but it made me get this surge of energy in to my chest and bursted and I was like wtf???but days later I was thinking of him everywhere like yo what's happening but then I realized "OH SHI..im in love with him but then Idkk if that's what love felt like(A bag of bricks💀💀)and then that's where the depressing days came and its sad Asff so im not gonna tell burstthen then there were times during my depressing days he would even notice me and it made me sad but oh well who cares right??then back to staring at eachother but we have never talked😶😶😶😶😶we never did but its ok cause I sure as hell was not gonna do it.idc. you do it first loll. then graduation was coming up and that made me sad too even think about it but im still saying to myself"You're very luck too have ever went to a school with a perfect in your eyes just to see them go away....anyways skip all the BS until the last day I saw him I was sad cause it was senior check out and I was sad..I really have been having tears but I held them in but then my heart Idkk it started to feel sad like im connected to its emotions some how💀😂but yea he went to school that last day and never came back...I thought he would atleast come say wassup to his friends and visit school..oh even just to see me....but anyways I was sad cause I didn't know it was the last day u till my friend told it was so.e tomorrow shit for the senior im like bitch nooooo😭😭😭😭😭😪and the after that day I have been sitting at home thinking about home And it just hurt like I was hurt ibwas so sad like I couldn't believe it was happening to me like damn and so I was like"I have to go see him one last time💔💔💔🙇😞😞and so I had went to his graduation....(Yes I literally went to his graduation by myself looool that's the day I learned how to take the light rail lmao aw.so then the bitch was taking so long talking that i left outside and then idkk something was telling me to go back inside and like my heart was acting up or something look(ya probably dont believe me but you'll know what I'm talking about sdon'ts I went back inside to the way back of the ground where the upper stairs are leaving against the bar waiting to heat his name and then she was done I was like (WHATTTTTTTT)I missed it😭😞😞😭😟i was mad and sad too like I really wants to see you graduate but then after that I went outside hoping to see him another last time before he goes.......he didn't realize hurt I was but Its all good because I never even talked him in the first place...lmaooo see that shi there made me mad like broom I should have talked to him.but He should have talked to me too um ***First.but year that's it.I can't tell ya the whole whole story...enjoy😟😌🙇

When your boyfriend lives a thousand kilometres away …

I'll try to cut this long story about my exhausting long-distance relationship short (which I already know won't work though). xDI'm from Germany and I've met a Swedish, pretty, incredibly cute, romantic, sappy, sexy guy on a website (that isn't actually intended to be a dating site). We met after a couple of months (he visited me here in Germany) and actually had our first kiss on the first evening … and from this point it got only more and more romantic (I won't go into details since it's probably romantic only for me and totally uninteresting for others). :3We're now together for about three months, and I'm already so exhausted from this long-distance relationship. When we see each other, which happens usually every second weekend (and which is actually not too bad), than I have only eyes for him. I am the happiest person and don't think that my life could get any better.But when I'm parted from him then I'm always so worried about everything. That this relationship probably won't work out. That it ends when we (if we get that far) someday live together because it wasn't real love after all or so.I sometimes wonder if I could be happier with someone who lives in the same city as me. But a moment later I realise that I don't want to be with anyone else but my Swede, and them I feel desperate because there's nothing I can do but wait for him.The thing is, I don't think that I've got a real question for you, I don't think that someone can give me a solution for this. Because actually, I already found out by myself that the only solution is to be patient, to wait for him until he visits me again. But I'm hoping for some comments that cheer me up a little, maybe comments from people who are experiencing a similar situation right now or so … I'd be really thankful for something like that? :)

Keep getting my [23/m] heart broken by straight guy friend [21/m]

Hey. So I'm 23 years old and in college. I live with two straight guy friends. I'm in the closet. For the past 2 years, I've been head-over-heels in love with one of my roommates. I'm totally into him and everything about him. My heart swoons when he walks in the room or gives me eye contact. It's THAT intense.So, as you might predict, my heart is totally in shatters due to the fact that he got a girlfriend a month ago. They have sex, on average, about four nights per week. His room is right next door to mine, so I hear it. On the one hand, hearing them have sex drives my imagination wild as I think about what it must be like in there for her. I'm soooo jealous. She's the luckiest girl ever to be with him. I hope she understands that. But on the other hand, a part of me dies on the inside when I realize that I will NEVER get to experience his body inside mine.I know it's easy to say, "Just move on and don't have straight crushes." But I can't help my feelings for him. I wish I didn't love him, because then I wouldn't be hurt every time she comes over. I know I should be happy for him. But I can't help how insanely attractive he is.Do you have any advice for what I should do? I noticed her stuff is in his room so that means they'll be having sex again tonight. Thanks!

Is gaslighting a common problem for gay men who become involved (in whatever way) with straight-identified men?

For those unfamiliar with the term, gaslighting refers to the manipulation of someone by psychological means into questioning their sanity/reality.I was just wondering if any gay/bi/queer men had experienced gaslighting from straight-identified men you became involved with (in whatever way--consensually or not).I'm asking this as someone who experienced what was probably workplace and classroom harassment at the hands of what I believe to be a closeted, straight-identified man. I was experiencing a lot of weird, alarming comments and behaviors from him that left me stressed out, but because he never stated anything outright and constantly asserted his straightness in the strangest ways (which is something I don't find most actual straight men doing), I was left doubting my grasp on reality. When I finally confronted him about the behaviors, he denied everything. Though I listed about 30 things he'd done that stressed me out, he came up with a justification for each one. Others had witnessed many of these behaviors and mentioned them to me, but no one else stood up for me when I needed it, because being neutral in the situation prevented them from being part of the conflict.A gay friend was telling me that he slept with a "straight" man and after waking up my friend said something about sex to the "straight" man, only for the straight man to deny that it had ever happened.Was just wondering if any of you had experienced this sort of thing. It seems like many "straight" identified men hide behind their sexual orientation. They can use it to excuse violating your personal boundaries or overwrite your lived experience.

This Is One Heck Of A Fuck-fest - Flying Jizz

http://ift.tt/2gGNPF4

Help

I'm a 27 year old gay guy from Dundee and fed up of all the sex I'm at the time of my life that I want to finally settle down but is there really such a thing I find myself wondering sometimes and really gets me down this needs to change asap. I'm using all these different sites and all guys just seem to want to hook up or let's be friends really frustrated with it

Things that turn you on that others (may) find strange?

For me it's speedo tans or pale, white hairy butts on an otherwise tan and smooth guy.

Need Some Help [Not Joking] [NSFW]

I don't know how to ask this without sounding like a troll, so I'll just do it. This is my first post on Reddit, so sorry if I don't understand how this all works.I am a 20 year old gay man, and to put it simply, I have a real need to suck cock - like the need is so bad it's literally unbearable and I just want to ask every guy I see if I can suck them off.I am a virgin, but the thing is that I don't want to suck truly random cock off of Grindr or something - I fear they could have STD's or HIV or something. I don't have to suck a boyfriend (I would if I did, but I don't lol) - it could just be a friend who I trusted to be disease-free.What do I do? The urge is getting so bad I feel like punching myself hard in the face or thigh to calm myself down - like I truly want to actually hurt myself to make it stop, not methaphorically. My mind is always on cock, always on cum. I really need help - I feel like I am going crazy. I actually want to harm myself because of this.Please. What do I do to either find a disease-free cock to suck or to find a way to not have this raw urge to suck anymore?

Sexuality being limited to either "gay" or "straight"...

This is just a quick rant that I feel like posting about, and I'm hoping other people agree with me on this.Many people today seem to not comprehend the idea that sexuality is MUCH more complex than being either "straight" or "gay". When I came out as bi, so many people didn't believe me as such simply because they can't understand the extreme complexity of sexuality. I'm not saying identifying as bi is considered some form of foreign idea, but I feel like a lot more people would be able to understand people with different sexualities than the "considered normal sexuality" if people understood more that it is much more gray than just black and white.Also, This goes to people who are curious. It's okay to be curious! It's a part of our complex nature. Just because you have different thoughts than what is considered "normal" doesn't define you to one specific sexuality. So many people are concerned with being either gay or straight that it sometimes gets messed up with just simply having a basic human sexuality. I'm not trying to call anyone out or anything, just hoping that people beat themselves up over whether they straight or gay realize that it's perfectly normal to not identify as either.Just thought I'd put this here because I've noticed a lot of people who fail to understand the complexity of sexuality, or people who are concerned with whether or not they are in the "black or white" area.

Rome Bdsm Conference: the fourth Edition is coming!

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Am I gay?

So I'm 19. I consider myself straight and I've dated multiple girls. I've been bicurious and I've always been curious what it's like to suck one. I just had my dick sucked and I did the same to a guy. I did NOT like it or enjoy it at all and it felt really gross when he was kissing me. Does doing this make me gay?

I need to vent

It's 6 in the morning, and I haven't slept. I'm hoping typing out my thoughts may help, at least a little bit.In my life I tend to ruin any relationship I'm in, especially those with guys. When I date someone it has come down to the point where we screw a handful of times and I lose interest and ignore them. I know I hurt people and in the end I just end up lonely. I don't even know if i'm gay, and that's the scariest part. I had this idea that once I was open about my sexuality that it would be better but it just made things more complicated. I find it difficult to love a guy, and now I'm getting feelings of attraction towards women. I don't know what I want because it's always shifting and it's leaving me a miserable person.I wish that I could be happy with someone but I wreck my relationships. I can't love a guy and I know I'll never have a significant relationship with a girl. I don't feel gay nor straight and it's such an alienating, sad feeling.I'm sorry for my rant and at least this little part of my thoughts being jotted down put me someone at ease. Thanks for listening.

Do General Gay Torrent Trackers Exist?

I know that there are only a hand full of gay torrent trackers that exist (literally only about 4-5 known). Hugely consist of porn, and some non porn. But I'm wondering, is there any gay trackers that is also a general tracker, that shares regular movies and TV shows too (other than gay themed)?

Butt slap

For my whole 5 years in school studying Architecture, some of my straight guy classmates always slap my butt whenever I walk past them and it is so annoying! They are straight and I am very sure about it. They even stop and stare at my lips when I wet them or even secretly grind their dick(inside their pants) in my shoulders when I am sitting and doing school stuff. They always short-tickle me and laugh at me at my reaction. By the way, I let them do it to me because I don't want any commotion but except for the dick stuff. Is their behavior normal for straight guys?

El Paso gay guys: what's wrong with you?

No text found

Living with muslims.

Well, i live in Northern Europe, and i live in a studentapartment. Everyone who lives here is foreign people, and many of them are muslims from arabian countries and middleeastern countries. Im also gay, so the thing is, is it totally unfair to them that i don't feel safe here? (I obviously don't talk about skincolor, i absolutely hate racist people who judge people based on colors, plus all of them are from the middleeast who live here) But I have talked to people and they said that its not racist at all that i think so, because they DO have deathpenalty for being gay where they come from. They understand me very well. What do you think? Is it weird that i feel that way living with muslims all around me?

I have to say this

Hi guys my name is Muhammad and I'm gay! I've never really used reddit so my friend is helping me out here as he thinks that /r/gay is the perfect place for someone like me to get advice from people that are in very similar situations to me - I might make an account if it goes well.Anyway some background - i'm 19 and gay, live with my dad (who is very traditional and also a devout muslim) and therefore has no idea of my orientation - i think telling him would tear my family apart, or at least result in me being exiled - so my question is /r/gay, has anyone dealt with a father like this? What should I do in order to gain acceptance? I want to be open about my lifestyle but I don't want to lose those closest to me..

Q: Acne scars and gay world

So I've had pretty bad puberty, I still have reddish spots on my face & scars from acne that will have to wait for treatment some more time. I'll be honest and say that they really do affect my self-esteem when meeting someone I really like. So I'd like to know what's your opinion on them, do you find them terrible and you'd vomit or do you not notice them or something else? I had few exes who said they didn't mind it, but when I think about them it's that they didn't have much self-esteem themselves so I kinda ask a question why were they with me in the first place? I'm asking this because I woke up today with strange similar scar next to my right eye and it's not "sleep mark" because few hours passed and it's still there...

The relationship between straight girls and gay guys: An insight

So this is just my two cents on this, I feel like in today's society it's become a cultural norm for girls to go looking for a gay guy to be their 'best friend' and to go shopping with them - don't get me wrong, I love my girls and having lunch and doing shopping with them is great - but why is it limited to just that? Why don't girls invite us to play football or something? I feel like we're all stereotyped to be a certain way and there's nothing people can say to change that. Most of the girls I've met in my life expect me to be that little more flamboyant because I'm gay but I don't see that - why does the definition of gay to a percentage of the population mean 'boy-crazy, flamboyant and crude' - I work full time at a call centre for god's sakes and I'm not very flamboyant at all. I just think that it needs to be said that gay means homosexual: an attraction to the same-sex. That's all. 🌞

Question: How did you know that you were gay?

So I was just wondering how you all knew that you were gay, rather than just bi etc.

I like this dude and he likes me but he said he has a girl too?

Well he said we should date but I feel like an experience with him and he gets mad when I see other guys but he has a girlfriend and makes me feel like I should be loyal to him when we're really not together... I don't know if I should just stop talking to him or not idk?

So my boyfriend's parent just found out he's gay... I need some advises please.

So my boyfriend's mother just found out her son is gay and he's in a relationship with me. He lives about 30 minutes away from me and goes to a different school, and I don't think he is able to talk to me now. The last time I talked to him was yesterday when I ask him was everything okay and he answered no. Honestly I'm so mad and so upset right now I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm worried about him, about his physical and psychological well-being. I know he's physically okay as of yesterday, but I know he's not okay psychologically and I can't do anything about it since I have no way to reach him... His phone number can't be reached, I can't get a hold on him on Snapchat or Facebook or other apps we have... I need some advises guys. What should I do?

I'm feeling really powerful tonight. There aren't enough openly gay rock musicians out there, so I thought I would post this. That's me on the left.

http://ift.tt/2fvCDPC

Not sure where else to ask this. Sex and anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds

I'm on a low dose of Cymbalta. Have been for about a month. In the beginning, it was nearly impossible for me to orgasm. Now it's easier, but it still takes a lot of work. Anyone have any experience with this? My doc says it should get better in 6-8 weeks from when I started taking it.

Are there guys into my body size?

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Advice on gay life in Germany

Hi, I submitted a post on the German reddit for advice on where to move in Germany. That got me lots of good info on housing, jobs, etc.. Now I am looking for more specific advice on gay culture. The three cities that I am considering moving to are Berlin, Cologne, and Munich. Sooo... I am a cruiser. Big time. I mean, when I live in a city with a cruising culture, I spend a great deal of my time doing it. I have been to Berlin a couple of times so I know that Tiergarten is pretty hot, but what about the other two cities? I live in a conservative English city right now with no cruising culture, and I drive to London twice a month for a weekend in Hyde Park and Hampstead Heath. I am also very into darkrooms, naked parties, and saunas. Which city has the best mix of all three? Thanks

I have testicle and penis issues

Hi. I had a varicocele surgery in my left testicles like two months ago. Been having problems for years in both testicles (the right one as epididimitis or something like that (don't remember the term in English) so yeah, after struggling with those issues for years I was able to get the surgery for my left testicle. In Colombia health is shit so you have to wait a long time for medications and surgical procedures. I had complications post-surgery. I got an epidural anesthesia which the guy did it wrong and let me in unbearable pain for three days until I couldn't stand it anymore and had to go to a different clinic to have a procidure done in my back to release the pain, it was something called hematic patch, which involved injecting my own blood in my back to release the pain it worked. So after that I was able to concentrate on the surgery. Didn't hurt much, but I'm still having pain in my testicle if I touch it firmly. I'm a bit scared because of that. That the cure was worse than the disease. I've also had some issues with my penis, which I can't get it up for too long sometimes, and I'm so self conscious about that and now even more cause I haven't been able to enjoy sex cause I'm always thinking about the surgery and the pain in my testicle and the scar in my low belly... I don't know if the pain will improve: it's not so bad. It's just that when I touch it or someone wants to grab it hurts so I can't concentrate on enjoying and I'm also so worried that my penis won't be up for too long that I can't enjoy the whole thing. And it's so frustrating cause I've met these awesome guys lately and I wish I could enjoy sex like they enjoy me...

german gays here? for Chat and more ;)?

german gays here? for Chat and more ;)? i can not english, pls german. would be nice from bavaria

Why doesn't sex interest me? (18m)

Sorry not sure what subreddit to post this is in but hear me out.:I feel like anytime I've ever hooked up with someone I'm very good at pleasuring the person I'm with but while I'm getting head or kissing I'm never aroused, like not even a little. I find myself complete soft and my mind wanders to random things as if I'm bored?And after I cum I have absolutely no interest in the person in front of me. I thought I might be asexual but that can't be it because I watch porn and I do enjoy watching someone else receive pleasure I'm just so confused because I can't figure out why I'm not sexually attracted to anybody.

Need some advice any replies or PMs welcome

I will attempt to be brief because I don't want to type a novel to get my point across. I am in my early 30's and began coming out last year to close friends. After college I played a few games online in free time and developed a pretty close group of friends I only knew through the games. There's one friend in particular in that group I haven't come out to yet for a couple of reasons:He is about a decade younger than me.He is from a very small town in a not so gay friendly stateHe's definitely over the years made it known how he feels about gay people, generally negative.My over riding fear is that he's going to think me coming out to him is me coming ON to him. And while he's an attractive person for sure, that's just not how I view him. (another story entirely but when he was a kid a pedophile tried to groom him which I think informed his views on homosexuality)What I'm looking for is some advice on how to broach the topic with him in a way that won't make him feel like I'm trying to do anything other than just keep him in the loop on who I am as a person and not feel I'm not sure if threatened is the right word here, maybe more like I'm not trying to change the nature of our friendship. I just want this one aspect of my life I've never shared with him to be known to him so that when our group of friends does our yearly/every other year meetup it's not weird for us to share a hotel room as we have in the past or just in general.Thanks in advance for any advice I really appreciate it. I want to tell him, it's long over due but I also don't want to lose his friendship and I feel like if I don't handle it correctly he's going to feel really weird about us being friends.

Gay Sex Tag

https://youtu.be/Q0Q8G0LTiZc

Want someone to talk to, DM me on Reddit if you like chatting.

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I often wonder if my geekeeness will keep me from finding the right guy lol... I came into terms that im gay and cant change who i am.. I need to be happy... Lol... Hope to find that guy soon...

http://ift.tt/2gAC2cH

I guess I'm just lonely.

On a throw away.I'm a younger guy that is only attracted to men over 40. Youngest guy I've ever been with was 42. I'm not hard on the eyes (what I've been told. I am very insecure), so finding older men to have sex with hasn't ever really been a problem.I'm in a relationship with a pretty good guy..but we just don't see eye to eye on anything. He's a conservative red neck type which isn't usually my MO (business/professional men are all I'm usually interested in but we just..clicked I guess?)But now I'm starting to realize how lonely I am. I don't really ever talk to him about personal things because it usually just turns into an argument when he tries to make it about politics or me being from a liberal state so my beliefs are dumb or something similar. It just never really turns out that well.Lately I've felt super guilty because I've been fantasizing about being with other men..but tonight I realized I don't want to cheat on him in the traditional way. I do love him and don't want to hurt him like that..the fantasies are really just about having an older gay man as a friend that is compassionate, loving, makes me feel special, enjoys talking to me, etc. It clicked when I realized these "fantasies" usually were imagined in my head as after sex, not the sex itself..or just simple shit like going out to eat and feeling so happy with this guy I've been imagining.I told myself it was just a way to make myself feel better cuz if it wasn't a sexual fantasy..why did this guy have to be older? Why couldn't it be with a guy in his early 20s like me? ...but I'm finally in acceptance I have some daddy issues and in a way wish I had a dad growing up that made me feel safe. The feeling of safety is honestly one of my biggest turn ons. When a man wraps his arms around me and pulls me close during sex, I usually can't hold back and finish almost immediately.I just don't know what to do. I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend. I want an older man in my life that would just enjoy talking to me, as I with him. I feel so fucking weird and pathetic when I realized I have these daddy issues but that the thought of a loving older man care about me can turn me on as much as it does. I mean what the fuck? Seriously I feel like such a weird guy and lately have completely shut myself off from my friends and family because of how conflicting this issue is and how much I hate how weird I am.I guess I just used this sub as my fucking livejournal and I'm sorry. I just feel so fucking alone lately, and it hasn't been as bad as it is tonight for a really long time. A cycle of fantasizing about being held and feeling a sense of safety and joy, which leads to me being turned on, which leads to me jerking off, which leads to me feeling so embarrassed of how odd I am, which starts the whole cycle over.I guess I'm just wondering if any of you have ever even heard of something similar happening. Probably not..but I just feel I needed to put these demons out there tonight. I'm so tired of being alone and hating myself for my weird ass fantasies. Even if no one replies or this gets downvoted to hell, I'm hoping that putting it out there might make me feel a tiny bit better.Thanks.

Open for questions if you have any

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Hit me up I'm looking for new friends to talk to. Don't know many LGBTQ people. I like horror movies. What's your favorite?

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Alone after a difficult thanksgiving. Need a boost. Thanks.

Went home and after I recovered from what was probably a stress related IBS/Lactic/Chrones attack (quite painful) the day after Thanksgiving I got an earful from my mother how I'm a pervert, on dating sites, and should give it all up because I don't know how to love.Oh and apparently she hates me (in a guttural deep way) and was told my brother has been hiding his hate for me (which I don't think is true). This comes a month after I bought my moms house (paid it off) so they don't have payments.No one knows I'm hertro-flex, my brother is gay (open) and I don't want to go down a negative spiral. I am composed now, but need to do some kind of habit, or thing to lessen the pain so I can deal with it.I have weed, but I don't know how to pack it. I drank some tequila on the flight home, helped a little, but I'm open to constrictive anything.I just upped my SSRIs from 100mg to 150mg... but not sure if that will be enough.I don't want my self hatred, angst or anything turn into an acceptance of self harm. Anything constructive is helpful. I will fight through this.Thank you

Gay dating apps.

Are gay dating apps ruining the art of meeting someone long term? Should they be called gay sex apps instead? I'm old fashioned prefer to meet someone in a public place, flirt chat them up then see if we want sex.

I like Reddit

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Rainbow pride flag tattoo vertical banner!

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An embarrassing question about chemistry

Right, so I went on my first ever date today. We met online and only now saw each other in real life and so I wasn't entirely sure what to expect.We really hit it off online. We have a lot in common and much to talk about. In real life too there was plenty to talk about. There were jokes, it was relaxed and not too awkward. It was really great. The problem was that I just wasn't all too sure about whether or not I'm physically attracted to him.Again, I have 0 experience on the matter, but from what I seem to have gathered you generally have this whole butterfly stomach/blushing like a child/general insecurity thing going on when around someone you like. If this wasn't the case then should I continue to date this person?Is it normal not to have a crush on the person you're dating? Does this mean there's no chemistry? Or the opposite?

Straight guys feel weird around gay guys, just like straight girls feel weird around straight guys acting "creepy" to them.

It's the same both ways basically, so straight guys shouldn't act like it's just gay guys who make people feel like that sometimes because it's kind of annoying to hear shit like that.

Anyone into CMNM?

When I was small, I have discovered that I found man that are totally naked in front of others hot, especailly those who are ashamed and cover their face with hands.When I went to primary school, I discovered CFNM. I found the women a turn-off, but the fact that the man who is naked and embarrassed hot. Usually they'll jerk him off, if added with post-cum torture or moaning when cumming it would be the best.I have took it into practice. I enjoy being the one with clothes on, as I think the part that turns me on is "a weaker/younger boy embarrassing a stronger/older man by watching his naked body and/ playing his body. (Jerking his cock) But I've never tried to play CMNM with multiple guys though.During secondary school, I found some Japanese gay porn that have multiple clothed men touching a naked man. Also the British(?) CMNM site. I found this is like heaven!! But as usually men are more comfortable being naked in front of other men, the "embarrassment level" is lowered so I found it lack something.Is there a possibility of CFCMNM? :P

A South American boy in Quebec.

Hi. I arrived to Quebec, Canada a few days ago. I'm living in Saint Constant. I am latin (or Latino, like people from North America would say). Im 28. I'm visiting my family here. I speak Spanish (of course) and English. And I'm in a french region, not knowing much french. Which gay men seem to hate and they have stopped talking to me because of that, which frankly it is stupid to me. It's not that I don't want or I don't like to speak french. It's just that I don't know much of it. I'm learning informally, that's my approach to things, little by little. Maybe later when I'm more comfortable I'll do something more elaborate related to learning french, just like happened with my english. But it seems like guys here who have it all and know it all who don't even look at you cause they think they are better than you and everybody else, don't care, or don't understand other people's particularities, stories and backgrounds. It all seems to fast paced. And I'm not bitter. I'm just amazed how people behave here. Another thing is that everybody has a car, everybody! But no one wants to come out to meet. No. In my case, they want me to take the train, the metro and the bus to make it to their places. Please!!! Of course not everybody is like that, but I mean, they really just don't care about you AT ALL. Hope things get better little by little. Still 6 months to go and sometimes I think it was a mistake coming here...

is there a subreddit for gay pen pals (nsfw)

im not the most out going person but online i can be a lot more open and about a year ago i started browsing gay chat rooms and they gave me a huge confidence boost, it was the first time i had ever had a guy say i was sexy and i miss that. this a alt account i use for this kind of stuff.

Gay Pride Coming Out

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Mister Leather Spain 2017 – Diary of a great election

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Even if it was a choice...

I would still be gay af bc it's really great and super hot...oh and no pregnancy scares

My Diary throughout the past few months...

So basically. Ages ago I developed a serious crush on a straight guy in my class. I needed a place to vent my feelings. Thinking from a third person perspective I thought this might be a quit interesting read... so I changed all the names to fake ones. Keep in mind that I'm a 16 year old hormone filled gay boy. So a lot of things in this are me being over dramatic...Sooo, huh. I’m finally doing this. My virtual diary, A place where I can vent my feelings about my love life/crushes, personal feelings, problems, ext. Before I start, If you aren't Bob reading this, please leave… Unless you want to read about how I desperately want Joe to smash me harder than goku… uhhh, Joe. It all started at the year 8 camp. Joe was always different and I found that relieving. His personality did not line up with the stereotypical HCC boy. He liked Anime, taekwondo, sports and (sadly) girls. On paper he sounds like a weeb, and he is. But he’s the sexiest weeb on the planet. Anyway back to the year 8 camp. In the camp there were various physical activities such as: climbing, crawling, jumping and running. Seeing him conquer all of these obstacles with such grace yet still looking hotter then a furnace did something to me that I never felt on a regular school day around him. When it came to night time, It was weird. I had to sleep in a tiny stuffy room filled with sweaty hormone filled boys. I had no interest in any other boys in my cabin except Joe. everyone in the cabin knew I was gay. But that didn't make things awkward, they didn't hesitate to hump everyone's pillow once they scrambled into the cabin. They were all immature sex drived teenagers. I shove them aside as I walk to my bed, got into my cute white onesie with a cool pink doughnut pattern on it and pulled out my pug pillow. Sitting on the edge of my bed looking down thinking about how I can get closer to Joe without making it obvious I liked him, a shadow rose over me. I looked up and saw Joe standing there smiling. He wore gray tracksuit pants and a gray singlet, I could see his toned arms and in-development pecs through his singlet and I unwillingly smiled back, then quickly dulled my expression and stuttered y-yes? He snacthed my pug pillow and brutaly started doggy styling and grinding on it. I had to pretend I hated it but deep down I wished that the pug pillow was me… It didn't dile down. They were as energetic 2 hours later as they were when they walked in. At this point I realise this is sounding like a fanfiction, but believe me. This is my life and I doubt it's’ gonna end up like a saucy fanfiction about two forbidden lovers…Friday 12th of August 2016Today was the last day of the “Activity’s week” An event that occurs every 4th week for the entire week every year. We had a forensic science day and we were put into groups. Cabin groups, to use science stuff to solve who was guilty of the “murder of Mr Phillips.” I tried to concentrate I honestly did, but i couldn't stop looking over my shoulder at Joe on the other side of the bench. Poor thing, he was sick, every few minutes he would cover his head and put it on the desk. Seeing Joe like this genuinely made me sad… I tried to joke around with him (Flirt) “All the chemical fumes go to your head?” to which his friend replied “He’s been sick all day” Thanks Will… I’m sure you can picture the rest of the activities. Joe too sick to be able to “chat up” and with Will cock blocking me, I didn't bother wasting my time.. But at the end of the day, Everyone got together to watch the science teachers skit about the “murder mystery”. I sat behind Joe, He was lying down… Admittedly I slyly stared at the bulge in his pants a few times. He was still sick, towards the end on the clip Joe let out this faint yelp of sickness. Kinda like those groans you make when you have the cold but picture it coming from a literal kitten. No joke, It sounded more like an anime girl shriek. You know, the ones they make whenever they get hurt, but heavily toned down. Will, I and obviously Joe laughed about it under our breath, and at that moment, for the first time. I saw Joe, blushing and giggling… as cute. I saw him as cute and not just some sex-machine, although he very well and most of the time is one! MY THIRST IS GETTING STRONGER, BOY I NEED SOME MILK ;)Monday 15th of August 2016Joe is still sick (Kill me now), and not much happened today. But I did stress over the music exam I thought was due today. I have to play “Ode to joy” on guitar and I literally don’t know more than the first 3 notes, keys, strings, plucks. Yeah… so you can see why I was stressed.Tuesday 16th of August 2016Joe is finally back. Praise lord Jesus, Although I didn’t get much time to be in his general area. Although we did have debates today, and you know how they tell you to make eye contact with the audience? Joe’s general direction was my audience. When it was Joe’s turn to do his speech, I listened to every word. It was short, sloppy, badly written and poorly grammered. But hey, nobody’s perfect! I actually saw him again on the way to 5th period japanese class. He was early to get a seat at the back so he could play games. (What a rebel) But I was early to get a seat at the front and get an education! We are total opposites that are meant to be! He approached me jokingly saying “I’m coming for ya’ Bob” Insinuating he was going to rape me. Yes… I do realise that he is objectifying me because of my sexual preference and thinks I’m attracted to anything with a penis. Regardless I would let him do so. (“HARDER DADDY”). We continued to chat until I saw ‘him’ walking up the stairs. The hottest, steamiest, most chiseled senior in HCC with a jawline that could cut glass and most perfectly combed chocolate brown hair that majestically quiff that swoops to the left of his face… Oh if you thought Joe was hot. You haven't met “him” (I don’t actually know his name.) I legit raised my finger to Joe’s face to tell him to stop talking so I could cherish this moment. He caught me staring, (not surprising as I was literally following his every movement with my eyes.) I blushed and turned away. He walked into his class which was next to mine. After he entered his class I exhaled, caught my breath and let out a girly shriek under my bared teeth. Joe probably noticed I had interests in this boy. Probably because I literally shushed him to admire ‘him’ walking up the stairs, so he said “Why do you think that guy looks like me?” OH PLEASE, you're not that smoking hot I thought to myself, but in reality I nervously stuttered my words not even forming a sentence. “Well um, you kinda. I mean he kinda loo-hmm, because- OH LOOKS SIR’S COMING.” Thank god sir unknowingly got me out of that mess. He opened the door, we filed into his classroom like the nice little christian boys we are, and took our seats. Joe sat at the back, I sat with my friends at the front. The period ended I walked down the stairs with ‘him’ by my side until we went our separate ways and went home. And that marks the end of this entry <3.Wednesday 17th of AugustToday we had cheer training for the athletics carnival coming up this friday. The athletics carnival is an entire day dedicated to hot seniors wearing their sport uniforms working up a sweat, oh and sports… Our cheers were pretty mediocre. Mostly just generic cheers that you would expect to see in any other school. We even stooped so low to use the cliche “give me an a” move… Where you spell out a word one letter at a time and ask the crowd what that stands for… Honestly I’m just coming to see hot seniors in anything but there ugly maroon blazer with gold highlights.. Anyway, as I was saying about cheer training! Guess who who was amongst the seniors…’Him’... and he was distracting me from cheering although i’ll allow it because this was the first time I actually heard ‘him’ say an actual sentence. I may of been eavesdropping but he had such a monotone and smooth voice that made me melt like a warm knife through butter… I’ll tell you how the athletics carnival goes on Friday! Let’s hope ‘him’ is there!Thursday 18th of August.Literally nothing happened. No saucy drama. NOPE, NAH-DAH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. But hey! Hot senior day tomorrow. Oops I mean the athletics carnivalFriday 19th of AugustSOO, the athletics carnival was today and I had high expectations for the seniors. They didn’t disappoint. Every senior was looking there best. Some wore full body jumpsuits in the color of their house colour, some were wearing inflatable fat suits and some just went shirtless. I wasn’t oppose it :) ‘him’ was wearing a cheerleader outfit with a piece of paper bobby pin’d to his shirt saying ‘sexy1’, I mean, it wasn’t wrong. We also had to others with the same outfit but they were sexy2 and sexy3 but they arnt imporatant. We had literally 5, although it felt like 100 activities before our lunch break… I did the 100 and 200 metre race and then my legs just gave out. I slept throughout the other activities until our lunch break. Year 8 got sent to the Delaney paddock to eat lunch. I told my friends about the song “Deepthroat” which is surprisingly catchy...We arrived back at the oval and sat at Dwyers location. When I noticed something that made my heart jump. ‘Him’ was walking towards the Dwyer station shirtless. His body was everything I hoped it to be. Muscular enough to see his 6 pack and flawless pecks but not so muscular you can tell he is on steroids with the faintest midriff indicating that he was well groomed. He had little to no chest hairs, very clean cut, just how I like them.. This of course was the highlight of the day and the only reason I came at all. It’s a shame year 12 is leaving soon… and so is Joe, well he’s leaving in 2017 but still. I’m mildly panicking but I’m sure i’ll find someone else, but no one will hold up to ‘him’, god.. I really need to learn his name. Edit: Just spent half an hour fanning through pages of the year books turn out his name is Lachlan Volpichella. love ya Benny!OMG so yeah, I knew this was going to happen, the date is 9th September 2016. I may of forgot about this for a while but atleast I’m back now. Today was the feast of Holy Cross. A day where people bring in food for all their classmates to enjoy. Not before we have a 2 hour mass of course.. Because catholic school.. People in our color house are retarded and brought more soft drink than food. Here's how it basically was: 60% soft drink 20% Napkins, spoons and knifes. 10% Junkfood 5% Dumplings. (Thanks Johunas) and 5% Actual meals. I mean I can’t really talk I was meant to bring in 100 napkins but ended up bringing a bruised banana that I found in my lunchbox. They needed the vitamin C anyway, plus most of the idiots in my home room could do without more food. I mean I bet when some of them step on a scale in shows there phone number. After The feast there was a buckets cup, which is a game of Oz Tag where some of our “A” grade sport guys verse the teachers. After the buckets cup we had a talent show we called “Cross Factor” The acts were decent, nothing Beyonce or anything just simple acts that mostly contained forgetting routine and bad outfits. Between acts we had Holy cross renditions of Popular ads such as that “Panda Cheese” one and “Jimmy Kimmel Mean tweets” But I was really interested in the acts where the seniors were Shirtless and Singing love songs to each other. Literally acting out my fantasies… Besides that not much has happened, OH wait, I did learn Nicki Minaj’s Verse in Arianna Grande’s song “Side to Side” and we found one of our substitutes teachers songs on the internet. We literally googled his name and found it. He definitely wasn't musically gifted and I could understand why he wJoed to hide it. I forgot the link but I'll ask eden for it on Monday. C’ya14th of september It’s a wednesday and I might of forgot to get the name of that song but ehhhhh. I had my japanese assessment today. I got a 70% #SlayedTheScene. Btw i thought I would mention this because it just came to mind. We had year assembly literally just then. (Writing this while waiting for dad to pick me up) Mr Witty, our year counselor, gave out some merit certificates and towards the end of the meeting. During this he gave out a SILVER MERIT AWARD! The first one in year 8 this year. And guess who got it, Alex-steroid munching-beatty… Oh poor alex. He’s an over demanding over controlling most monotone straight gym junky you will ever meet. One might feel bad for him since he’s constantly accused of taking steroids because he is unnaturally buff for his age, and he is disgustingly proud of it. Anyway… it wasn't a surprise he got the silver merit award, Alex has always been a grade A teachers pet. The only reason I even consider Alex a frenemy is because he’s matthew’s friend, by the way. I wouldn't even consider matthew a friend anymore… Ever since I came out as gay he’s just been very rude and judgy.. I was unpacking my bag, whistling a tune and dancing as i got my computer out. He did not approve of this… “Wha-Why do you have to be sooo gay?!?” He than proceeded to put his bag down and take out his computer. “See, that's how a NORMAL person does it” I can not stress how much this infruriates me!!! I should've known it would be like this, he’s been friends with alex since kindergarten and alex still thinks I’m saying I’m gay for attention and can’t fathom the fact that men can like other men.18th of September. This is the first diary post during a weekend, I’m extremely bored and should probably be sleeping at 2:34 AM… But I thought I should write something in my virtual diary because I don’t update this daily or very frequently. So here's my top Man crushes.. In no particular order..Mr HarapaJoe ZoricRyan ReynoldsLachlan VolpichellaZac EfronPablo Hernandez13th of October, Wednesday. Its the first week back after the 2 week holiday and let me tell you, the first day back is truly the best and worst day of the entire school year. One one hand, you get to talk to your friends again and admire cute boys! But on the other hand you re-realise that you're forced to spend 10 entire weeks surrounded by idiots. In other news, Zayn joined Holy Cross this term. Zayn was one of my friends in primary school, despite being pretty good friends with him the only remaining memory of him is when he said I looked like a lesbian with my haircut.25th of October Tuesday. So I fairly good amount of Drama has happened since my last post. As a TL:DR this is a summary… The greeks are stupider than I thought and our surprisingly bad at fighting, zayn is starting a paper crane gallery on the library desk and I think Joe knows I’m in love with him…Now Let's get juicy… Let's start in order of occurrence, zayn Masters is one of Joe’s friends that's kinda friends with my group. I mean we're in the same tree but on different branches.. Will is just as weaboo as Joe. Probably more, so it didn't come as a surprise to me when I found out he could do origami. (Speaking of weaboo, zayn actually got me into anime, My favorite is AOT, I've read the entire comic book series and they just announced the release date for season 2!!!) It started with a few paper cranes that he gave to teachers as they walked by, but then he started a “workshop” He gathered some of his close friends and every day at recess he would spend the entire time building origami cranes with his friends in the FLP. He built a lot of cranes and placed every single one of them on the circular ‘Help Desk’ in the Library. To my surprise they remain untouched to this day…Secondly: Anyway About the whole Joe situation… I’m not 100% sure but i'm almost positive that Joe knows I'm in love with him. He’s been been giving me a lot more attention recently them he usually does. It started off in small positive doses that left me in confusion then quickly changed to short snide remarks that emotionally stressed me out. I do understand why Joe is acting like this though, I can only imagine the feeling of knowing that the gay guy in your class likes you even though you're straight. Any interaction between me and Joe have often ended in him indirectly saying some snarky comment about me. “KYS Bob nobody loves you” “Okay bitch, so you wanna play that game, huh. Im gonna love you until it hurts, And you won't even know its happening.” I had to get crafty, In ACE I would turn my screen brightness down on my mac so I could look at Joe in the reflection. He never had a clue. In all honesty though, i'm kinda glad that he knows, even if things may be awkward it feels like a weight has been lifted of my chest.Thirdly: In Ace our regular teacher had an urgent meeting and apparently he set up a sub to teach us but he never showed up… Compared to the other classes we were full tilt jungle madness. If jungle madness happened while sitting down and with you faces buried in computer screens. Although one table was different, they always were. The Greeks… They never really followed the pack and always wandered off into there own little section unbeknownst to anyone else in the class. There table is very restricted, basically if you're not greek, you're not in… They are the fattest most stereotypical self centered Wogs you will ever meet. They sit at their stupid table talking obnoxiously loud about stupid things like cars and testosterone, I swear some of the stuff they say sounds like they're speaking a different language completely. “Aw steph, check out the hydraulics on this CCXR Koenigsegg Trivita.” (I literally googled “expensive cars” and I swear, so much of what they drone on about makes so much sense now, it's almost like it was a translator.) Anyway two of them got into a fight about something in front of the entire class. It looked more like two meat filled ragdolls slapping each other than a fight, with all the smack they talk I expected at least on the them to at least form a fist. Welp, they both got sent to the office and someone may be getting suspended. There, you're all caught up, until next time. Ciao!4th of November Friday. So I Just wJoed to share a song that is totally my jam right now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwjwCFZpdns . I can just relate to the song so much right now, and you probably already know why… I honestly don’t mean to drone on about love life but recently reality has hit me like a ton of bricks. As the Holidays approach you would expect me, of all people to be vividly excited. But one thing always pops up in my mind when I think about the end of the school year. No More Joe. Joe’s leaving at the end of this year and honestly, I don’t know why I even try anymore. (Now calm down. I'm not becoming suicidal, i'm no Amanda Todd) I have an internal emotional breakdown when ever Joe speaks to me. BTW thats getting alot better. He now speaks to me without being aggressive. How lovely! I just wish that I could confront Joe about it, because I know that he knows I like him, but I don't think he knows that i know that he knows I like him. Process that sentence for a few minutes, it makes sense. Anyway, as the end of the year gets nearer my panic slowly starts to rise. I’m seriously considering telling Joe I like him face to face on the day he leaves. UGH, teenager hormones are soo annoying…6th of November Monday. Oh God, what did I do. I put my own selfish desires first and I have just made things worse. This is the exact thought that has been racing through my head all afternoon. Let me break it down. It was an entirely normal day unit Lunch. I sat in the FLP on a lounge closer to the back finishing my homework when Ryan came sat down opposite to me. Ryan is, for the most part. A normal person. He’s as pale as snow, he strictly only uses apple products and always has either a mountain dew or a gatorade in his hand. We were acquaintances but I wouldn't call each other friends. “How was tutoring with kate?” Ryan asked. “Great..” I replied, eyes facing down desperately trying to the homework due 5th period. Then… I remembered Ryan is really close friends with Joe, and me, being the thirsty whore that I am I asked Ryan “What does Joe smell like?” We then proceeded to spiral into a conversation that mainly included me asking ryan questions about Joe and him replying “straight.” During the conversation I noticed that ryan was wearing A LOT of deodorant. “You smell very… Overwhelming, how much deodorant are you wearing?” Turns out, that's the same deodorant Joe uses but that didn't make me dislike it any less. As a joke Ryan sprayed the deodorant all over the front of my shirt. I don't like people abusing anything to do with my body, he just sprayed me with a ton of unnatural non environmentally friendly deodorant. I SMELT LIKE A MAN... As ryan stood up to pick up his bag I leaned back and kicked him in his chest. It wasn't hard but I may of forgotten that Ryan had a heart surgery a month ago. I thot walked away feeling like I just slayed the scene when Ryan literally exclaimed. “I’m not letting that go unpunished.” This Bitch was going to tell Joe everything I just said to Ryan… my thot walk turned into a quivering plea, but Ryan wasn't buying it… so 5th period happened and Ryan told Joe everything. I felt so bad… For some reason I felt responsible for this entire situation. I had only made things worse, I was so thirsty for Joe I completely disregarded how Joe would react to this news. We never made eye contact throughout the entire period but I could feel Joe’s cringe from the other side of the room as Ryan whispered into his ear. BTW! Turns out, Joe actually didn't know I had a crush on him. I thought word got out… guess not. In a way i'm happy Joe finally knows how I feel but at the same time I feel really bad for dragging Joe into my fantasy world… Honestly I don’t know how I’m going to spend my time in school when Joe leaves at the end of the term… Well till next time, Cheers!7th of November Tuesday. This morning, before school I was Pretty worried that Joe was going to confront me about everything that Ryan told HIm… so I got extra dressed today. Combed my hair, added a quiff, tucked in my shirt, washed my face and wore a jumper. Low and behold throughout the entire day Joe never approached me… Although something crazy did happen!!! During recess I saw Ryan finishing off his meat pie before he entered the FLP I remembered that I need to talk to him about what exactly he said to Joe 5th period yesterday. Turns out, and I know this is getting complicated now. Joe kinda knew I had a crush on him the entire time. Someone did tell him. I was so relieved that Ryan’s news wasn't new that I completely forgot to ask Ryan anymore questions. I just thanked him and walked back to my seat with my friends. The rest of the day went on as normal, me glancing at Joe out of the corner of my eye hoping to catch him glancing back at me just so we can have any form of interaction. You know, the norm. Then Lunch Came around, I was heading over to the cJoeen just to see what they had when I noticed Ryan and Joe Standing in the line just a spot in front of where I would be If I lined up. So of course I Lined Up! Then Ryan being the person that he is felt that it was necessary to greet me as loudly as he could. “HEY Bob” Joe turned to my direction… I took a quick glance up then back down at my wallet, “Hey… Ryan” I couldn't even muster up the courage to say hey to Joe… I’m truly pathetic… Honestly there wasn't even anything there that I wJoed to buy, I just wanted a reason to stand next to Joe. I ended up spending 4 dollars on wedges that I then used to drown my feelings in. Yes, I was eating my feelings… On my way out of the FLP Ryan appeared from behind me and started walking with me. “So how was standing next to Joe?” He asked smugly knowing that I was in love with him. “OMG! That was so awkward, honestly I couldn't even muster up the courage to talk to him, so pathetic.” I exclaimed. This spiraled into a long conversation that took up the rest of Lunch. The conversation was mainly just me venting all my feelings about Joe to Ryan In Between mouthfuls of wedges. I told him about how I didn't even want these wedges and I just wanted a reason to be next to Joe… He then cut me off abruptly to tell me to tell me how cute that was and that I have to tell Joe… But one thing Ryan said really stuck with me. “You're in love with him” Something about finally hearing someone else understand that I loved Joe made me feel so free. Like I no longer had a secret… Honestly without Ryan to help me through this rough patch, I'd probably be curled up in the fetal position gently whispering to myself “He loves you, It gets better”18th of November Friday… Sorry for that late update by nothing really has happened besides me thinking about Joe. On the topic of Joe. I AM SO FUCKING DONE. I AM DONE, AND I'M GLAD I FINALLY CAME TO ME SENCES. I HAVE TRIED FOR SO LONG TO GET OVER Joe BUT WHO KNEW ALL IT TOOK WAS FOR ME TO SIMPLY SAY TO MYSELF. FUCK IT! WHY EVEN FUCKING BOTHER ANYMORE. SO MUCH WASTED MENTAL SPACE CLOGGED WITH THOUGHTS ABOUT Joe THAT HAD A 0% CHANCE OF COMING TRUE. WITH WORD OF ME LIKING Joe SPREADING THROUGH CLASSROOMS LIKE WILDFIRE, I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I'LL BE HONEST I'M PRETTY MAD AT Joe. THE ONLY REASON I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW IS THAT THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE TIME OF THINKING ABOUT HIM MY ONLY REQUEST FOR HIM WAS TO TALK TO ME. BUT HE SIMPLY WONT. TO THINK THAT BEFORE WORD STARTED GETTING OUT HE WAS FINE WITH TALKING TO ME, IF ANYTHING I WOULD OF CONSIDERED US FRIENDS! BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN HE’S ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH EVERY TIME WERE WITHIN METERS OF EACH OTHER. WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY SCARED OF, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GOING TO ABDUCT YOU. JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME! IT'S TOO LATE NOW. I HAVE FINALLY REALIZED THAT HE LITERALLY DESPISES ME WITH A BURNING PASSION AND PROBABLY CAN’T WAIT TO LEAVE THE SCHOOL JUST SO HE CAN GET AWAY FROM ME. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S FINE. I COULD USE SOME TIME AWAY FROM HIM TOO. FUCKING GO AHEAD, DON'T TALK TO ME, DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE ME, I'M DONE USING RYAN AS A MEANS TO VENT MY FEELINGS. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED GETTING RYAN TO DO ANYTHING?!, THE ONLY THING HE IS GOOD FOR IS CONTRIBUTING TO GLOBAL WARMING. HE LITERALLY IS THE MOST IDIOTIC AND STUBBORN PERSON WITH SUCH A LACK OF BRAIN CELLS SOMETIMES IT'S HARD FOR ME TO COMPREHEND. SO, WITH THESE FINAL WORDS I END THIS ENTRY… I AM DONE (Nicki Minaj has made a new rap. It's called ‘black barbiez’ and she slays the scene)23 of November Wednesday. From the time I entered my last post till now I can safely say I’m making progress with this whole ‘getting over Joe’ phase. One thing I need to state is that my last post was more of me venting all those bottled emotions in the form of an angry post. Truth is, not all of your problems simply vanish by writing them down, but it definitely has helped me. I’m still on the road to recovery though, I still occasionally glance at Joe. This one time in music he flexed his bicep while leaning on his desk, slumping his head into his hand. That made me melt like a hot knife through butter. Although I quickly recovered! I no longer fantasise about being with Joe, I have accepted that me and him will never be together and I have realized that Joe is merely a phase in my life. Throughout your lifetime, you will have your ups and downs but it's incredibly important to keep trudging through life, especially in those down moments. I was going to end this post here but I might as well put this in since if this happened when I still liked Joe I would've considered it a milestone… Joe sat on the same table as me. Was it by his own will, no… Sir told him to sit next to me since he wouldn't stop talking to one of his friends. Although he didn't sit NEXT to me, he consciously made the decision to sit across from me probably to avoid any extreme awkwardness. He must still think I like him. Guess what, he sat across from me for at least 40 minutes and didn't say a single word to me. I’ve never seen Joe concentrate that much on his work ever. If Joe’s parents want him to get better grades they can just give me a ring. Lol.25th of November Friday. Today was the walkathon, a 20 kilometer walk from Insert City I live to Destination and back. I wasn't to keen on doing it since last year it was 10 kilometers and I almost died doing that but I Actually went pretty well this time. On the way to Destination I walked with one of Will’s friends named Sam. Sam is pretty slow so I didn't have to worry about him walking ahead of me. It was pretty boring but overall good exercise. We were almost at the 10 kilometer mark when Sam says something that grabs my attention… “Hey, Is that Joe” I look in his direction, and no bought about it. It was Joe BUT YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT REALLY GOT ON MY NERVES. The fact that he was running shirtless… Throughout the entirety of grade 8 he had to be the one who decided to jog the 20k’s shirtless. JUST GREAT. He really isn't making this easy for me… Sam waved and said hey as I kept my head faced at the pavement as I resist the urge to look at him… We eventually made it to the 10 kilometer mark where we got our names marked off and had to turn back. I could feel it happening, It happens every time I think of him. My brain and heart don't cooperate and I spiral into an extreme state of Lust, Confusion, Stress, Jealousy and Hate... My brain knows that there is no point in thinking about him because he’ll never like me back but my heart refuses to believe that. No matter what I do or how hard I try and convince myself that I’m over him I always end up thinking about him. I had to think out loud… I hate bottling my emotions… I started walking at a quicker pace leaving Sam behind thinking that maybe if I hurry I’ll meet Joe back at school but as I walked further and further and vented more and more of my thought until my head was empty It became less about Joe and more about me doing this as my own personal achievement. Although as I was walking I kept saying this one phrase to myself “This isn't fair” I absolutely hate saying that because what part about this isn't fair? On one hand sure, maybe from a gay person's perspective seeing Joe flaunt his muscles carrying on with his life with no problems while I have a mental breakdown may not seem fair. But on the other hand, Why should Joe have to change how he lives his life because it makes me all hot and bothered… My brain and heart are truly in two different places right now… Earlier in this Diary I said the phrase “My thirst is getting stronger, Boy I need some milk ;)” But now I’m changing it to My thirst is getting out of hand, Boy I need some help...