I can't stand myself

I just want to tell everyone I know but I just let it ball up inside of me. I hate lying about anything... I just want everyone to know. My family makes fun of people like me. I'm just glad there's people on here that can relate to this. I get mad at myself. I believe in God so that just makes my self hatred worse. Like FFS I just wanna be normal. Like, why did God make me this way? Sometimes I wish he'd just kill me. I can't stand life even though nobody knows.