Why I can't stop and I must.

When I was younger, it was so fun to masturbate. I used to Fantasize about the hot girls Im my school. My friend's hot mon etc... I did not bring any harm to my life.

Now Im 34. Nowadays, I have masturbated so many times because I wanted to forget about my problems, stress, and I need to get that moment of my daily addiction and porn. It has grow up to this point that it has become a physical necessity.

Masturbating sucks! It hast affected my life so much. Im the only one who knows about it. I don't tell my family, friends, girlfriends, etc..

When I frequently masturbate, it affects with my long term memory. I can't fully concentrate. I forget things very easily. I cant organize my self. I feel tired when I wake up. I fell like Im missing out my full potential. Personally and professionally.

I can't have normal sex, because I'm so used to masturbate and find that specific porn that turns me on that normal sex its just too boring. Every time I have to find a difference niche of porn. I'm not gay, but even gay porn its in my list now. Sometimes, just a hot model in a regular magazine, is enough for me.

I have tried so many times to stop. Every time I tell my self it will be last and I will spend months without it. And I just can't!!

Sometimes when I'm too busy, or when can't find the time to masturbate because of external factors, and I spend at least 3 days without it, I can feel the difference in my body and in my mind. I fell more focused, I can remember regular details of the day and Im more productive.

When I don't have the time, or can't, I don't even miss it at all. But once everything goes back to normal and I'm by my self and I know I will have a few hours without anybody around, I have to masturbate. Sometimes even 2 or 3 times a day. It's like a natural thing that my body does to me. I try to fight and tell my self no to do it. But its like my body/mind has a way to force my self to do it. Its like it makes me momentarily forget all the pain, frustration and consequences that it brings, and all of the sudden, it makes me think again: "Oh, its just this time. It will be exciting and hot. Do it, its your opportunity, there is nobody around. It will be the last time. No worries, etc.."

Also physically, I get this urge of doing and my body gets very horny, and it gets stronger by the hour. I get impatient and anxious. It only stops when I finally masturbate and ejaculate. When I'm done, I get the usual feelings like shit, frustrated, tired and sad. I tell my self with all my conviction it will be the last time.

So, even though I know all of the consequences and I just can't stop.