[Support Only], I hate my life but to most it wouldn't be bad

[Remorse]: I hate my life. I have a moderately decent paying job but I should be making more. I think the only think holding me back is my discontent with where I am in life and the people around me. I don't hate the people I work with. They hate me because they don't understand me and I think they're stupid because they can't understand me. They are too busy attempting to look cool and making fun of people in a pathetic attempt to be accepted. I have friends who I hang out with but it is hard to make time for it. I work 12 hour days and hit in traffic on top of it and then work Saturdays. To make matters worse I still live at home to pay off student loans. If I didn't have a college degree and student loan deabt, I would be making well over what I need to survive and be happy. All I want to do is travel abroad, meeting different people, help people abroad, and experience different things. I can't do any of that because I have student loan deabt. I have been working jobs I hate with people I don't have much respect for going on about 4 years now. It has literally driven me crazy. I have considered suicide at least once a day. I would never go through with it unfortunately but I dream of being hit by a truck, getting a brain tumor, or just somehow being killed. I need something to happen. This life of working to buy expensive things and procreate is deadening. I'm not alive. I'm just going through the motions. I hate my life, resent my parents (they could afford college but prefer to spend it on material things), resent my coworkers (they also only car about putting others down to make themselves feel more acceptable and at times I think they should be compassionate toward other humans, they do the exact oppossite). I've always been a somewhat popular person. Never tried to be. I have a knack for attracting the popular girl as my best friends and the more popular guys usually befriended me and asked me out. So, it isn't like I've been bullied all my life or deprived. I just don't think life is worth living if all you do is wake up, drive to work, work all day with people cracking negative jokes and manipulating each other, then drive home, immediately get in bed to sleep and do it all over again. I can't even work out and I'm gaining weight, which I hate because I feel sluggish and look unhealthy.

How do people live like this? I wish I could care about material things and put on a good front but I can't anymore. Every month that goes by it's more apparent to those around me that I'm loosing it. I've made myself the outcast at work and to make matters worse some idiot went around spreading lies about it. I'm weird and outspoken enough without people putting words in my mouth and spreading lies. Apparently the hot rumor is that I'm lesbian, which I find strang since the other rumor is that I'm easy and would sleep aroudn with any of my male coworkers and other businessmen.

I really hate this bullsht. There is no way out until my loans are paid off and I cant even leave my job for another year or so since apparently you have to stay at the same job forEVER to gain proper experience on your resume and in this economy it's hard to find a job that would pay more. I'm used to this sucky life now and just hoping that I can get through this time period one day at a time. Evenually, if I'm not fortunate enough to die soon, days will turn into months and years and my loans will be gone and I can finally be free to excape my parents and my crappy job.

I feel bad because I have enough to eat, live in a very rich neighborhood, have a beautiful home to sleep in, and a job with a company that people are envious of but I don't want any of it. It isn't me and I detest all of those things; material possessions. My parents are nice but they nag and pry. They don't understand me anymore than anyone else. They keep asking why I'm not dating anyone and saying "there's nothing wrong with being gay." LOL! Nice people but I like men, I'm not lesbian. I just don't like materialistic men or men to make fun of others to mask their own insecurities. and I don't want one that doesn't want to travel and experience a differnt life.

Since when did thinking different automatically make one gay or lesbian? Anyway, I hate my life. It's not worth it. I feel bad that others would cherish it. I feel bad that people are dying, struggling and sick in far away countries around the world. I have so much; most of which I don't even want or appreciate because it's not the life I was meant to live. And in that way I do have so much in common with LGBT people.