Hey. So I've been a christian since middle school, and depressed since roughly the same time. I met god in Grade 7. before that, I was the worst neckbeard-y, /r/atheism type awfulness you'd ever of seen. I think it was mainly because of bad depression and stuff though. Anyways, quite irrelevant.
As of the past year or so I've been constantly struggling with faith and the usual depression. My cousin killed himself because of religious folks and their opinion on gays (we don't know if he was gay for sure, but we have a lot of reason to suspect) so that's hard. Also my church acts like they accept gays but if you listen to what they say they don't give 2 shits whether they go to hell or heaven. I've had people my cousin is going to hell for killing himself and being gay. So it's hard, with depression, to keep faith. But it's the only thing that makes sense to me. Don't get my wrong I love my church but my relationship with God and what the pastors say is bittersweet.
Also it's just difficult being depressed and faithful. How can I keep believing knowing a divine power would put me through this? There's just so little comfort. And the "It's a test, you'll overcome it!" stuff is so, so agitating. No, it won't get better, it'll just be less awful every time. I won't overcome it. I'll cope with it. Stop being so blind. Optimism seems like a lie tbh. Love too. So it'd be nice if people could either just leave me alone (I would) or listen (that's how selfish I am.)
I'm just asking for prayer of people's understanding, why saying those things is awful and quite frankly untrue, for religious/spiritual strength. Don't worry; After seeing what my cousin put a family through I doubt I'll be killing myself.
Sorry to be your burden btw, but I'm getting very desperate. Know I normally would never do this.
Sorry.
Merry belated Christmas.
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