18 year old virgin needs advice

I'm an 18 year old guy attracted to other guys and I REALLY want to have sex. I want my first time to be with someone I care about/cares about me that I can really trust. I am extremely self conscious about my body due to the fact that I am very slightly on the fat side (180 pounds) and I'm also hairy. I'm REALLY attracted to twinks but I feel like they all only want to be with other really skinny hairless guys. I've always wanted to be a twink bottom but that's just not the body type I have. And my dick is 4 inches so I don't feel like I'd even be a good top... I'm just a mess and I don't know where to start with improving. Any advice is greatly appreciated.