I need advice for dealing with a closeted person...long story, spans 2+ years.

This is a very long post.I'm gay. My whole life I've been pretty much ignored by other guys. On apps like Grindr and Scruff I seldom get replies and NEVER have people message me first. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 21 and didn't lose my virginity until I was 24 (I'm 26 now). I'm a good looking guy (to me, at least) and I think I'm really funny too, but I can be kind of intense--I'd say that's my biggest flaw. I live in a VERY small town with a VERY small year-round gay population.2 years ago, I got a message on Scruff (a gay hookup app) from someone. We'll call him N. I immediately knew who N was because his first name was his name on Scruff and he was using his Facebook profile picture. He's someone that I have a lot of mutual friends with and some mutual nerdy interests (tabletop games, etc.). I've always been more relationship-driven, but I'm not opposed to hook ups. N and I started chatting and he said he was curious (and closeted) and had never actually been with a guy. Through dirty talk I realized we were clearly sexually compatible and I was definitely attracted to him. Over the course of a weekend we chatted a lot on this app., but I was out of state so we didn't meet up. When I got home though, he suddenly stopped logging on to the app. entirely.I knew he hung out at a local nerd shop and a friend of mine was running a 2-month long tabletop game campaign there (we'll call that friend Z). Z had been trying to convince me to join this campaign for MONTHS but I wasn't familiar with that game so I was on the fence. All my close friends had moved away and I was very lonely, so when I found out that N was also in the campaign I'll admit that was a reason for joining. I thought maybe just hanging out in person would make him contact me again on the app. or maybe facebook or something. So for the first few days of the campaign we'd chat at this nerd shop but he made no effort to contact me outside the store and never addressed the app. or our conversation there. During this time I found out that his dad was apparently homophobic and well known in our community. I messaged N on facebook and pretty much told him "look, I don't want it to be awkward. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about seeing you on that app". He responded thanking me and I told him that the offer to hang out privately was still on the table. He never responded to that.So a few more days pass and still nothing. On a day outside of the campaign, me and Z are hanging out in Z's garage. Z's not gay and he and I were never super close, but that day we got much closer. I confided in him about N, since he was closer with N than I was. I asked him how I can possibly get N's attention and had him promise he wouldn't say anything since N is closeted. The very next day, Z approached N an bluntly said "I heard you're gay". He spun it to N in a way where he tried to alleviate me of the blame and actually did it to help me, but Z doesn't understand how gay stuff work. N stopped talking to me entirely. I messaged an apology on facebook, but never even got a notice that it was "seen". I gave up and stopped talking to Z entirely. That was October 2014.Fast forward to January 2016. At around 2AM I got a message on Scruff the hookup app from N. I was asleep at the time so I didn't see the message until the next morning. I replied the next day and also messaged him on facebook saying "hey, I got your message on the app. Here's my cell number if you wanna chat more conveniently". No response.Fast forward to last week, July 2016. 2 Wednesdays ago I messaged N on facebook, on a whim. I just said "Hey, how have you been?". I didn't get a reply and just moved on. Then, 2 days later on Friday N suddenly replied saying "hey sorry, I didn't get your message. How have you been?". We started chatting for hours. Small talk. We chatted about Pokemon Go and work and just what we've both been up to. Around midnight I decided to go for it. I apologized for telling Z. N seemed really cool about it. He said he wasn't mad and that it was just an awkward situation and since it was 2 years ago he didn't care anymore. That very quickly transitioned into him bluntly saying "dude let's fool around". He said again he's STILL never been with a guy and that he was curious. I was out with friends at the time but N said he'd be up late and was free all weekend. He seemed a lot more open to actually CHATTING about it than he was when we spoke 2 years ago. I dropped my friends off and messaged N again asking if he was still up...and no response. The next day I asked if he was still free. No response.This is where my intensity comes into play...over the week I messaged him asking if he was free a few times (not every day, but definitely most day). My messages were just "hey are you free?" "Hey, I'm free tonight, let me know if you want to hang out" "here's my number if you wanna text" "hope you don't wait 2 years again haha ;P" "if you wanna hang, we don't even have to do anything. We can just chill" stuff like that. I was just frustrated that there was this guy, who seemed like someone I could actually help and who I could mesh well with who dangled himself in my face and then randomly closed me out again. Even if it was just going to be a hookup--that's fine. A hook up has potential to lead to other things, or even if not at least it's something. Helping him come to terms with himself, helping me feel wanted, just...SOMETHING.So none of my facebook messages ever got the "seen" receipt from him, so I genuinely wasn't sure if he was getting them. I got to thinking "maybe he just messages me when he's horny? Or drunk? Is it possible he only gets horny once every 2 years?". Also I know for a fact that his best friend is closeted. Do they not know each other is gay? Are they not sexually compatible? Are they not attracted to each other? Or are they in a secret relationship, and maybe twice over the last 2 years they've gotten into an argument and I was hit up by N as a rebound which made me feel like shit again. My mind likes to race and make me feel bad.So since I wasn't sure if N was getting my facebook messages, I messaged him on Instagram. Then yesterday I finally got a reply. "Sorry, I didn't get any messages on facebook but I decided I'm not really into hanging. Sorry".It's stupid, but that really cut into me. I replied "Ok...random. All good. If you ever change your mind or whatever feel free to hit me up" then I sent something I shouldn't have: "What made you change your mind anyhow?". He's seen that message, but didn't reply. I wish I could un-send it.So here's where the advice comes in:Should I message him again saying "hey, look, I shouldn't have asked why. It's your prerogative. Just let me know if you want to hang out"? Should I go deeper than that and also say that I think he's doing himself a disservice by not exploring his curiosities? Should I explain why I reacted like I did? Should I wait and send this message LATER, like maybe in a week or two?And furthermore, why do you think N is suddenly not interested? Do you think it was because of how intense I was (not that he saw my facebook messages)? Or just because he really does only initially hit me up when he's horny? Or do you think he's just nervous because he's in the closet and really needs time?