Hi, throwaway account in case someone recognizes me.
I'm an international student in a foreign country that requires me to pay 4 times the local students'. My parents sent me here because there are family friends whose children are also here, and their uncle too. I will call him Mr X. I say family friends because the way my parents see it, our family and theirs have lived in the same area for 10 years, but I've never been really close to the children apart from attending the occasional birthdays.
When I first came here, all 4 children of the family have arrived first. The youngest is 1 year older than me and my parents hoped that I bonded with her, but I just couldn't. They also have made their own friend circle, all of them from my country. They tried to make me feel welcomed by inviting me to their annual parties, trips, etc. but I never fit in because they already knew each other and always talked about people/events that I didn't know about. They also often try to match men and women in the group. I will refer to these people as The Group.
The parents of the children, Jill and John are in their 50s and 60s. They were very successful, having a chain of small grocery stores back home. Jill is very nice and attentive to me, but my problem with John is that he often makes offensive jokes at the expense of other people. John would make mocking jokes about how rich my parents are, that I shouldn't even eat canned soup because my parents are rich, etc. When he makes those jokes Jill would immediately tell him to shut up because she knows that I don't like those jokes (or rather she sees me as being easily angered, I don't know), but John would keep making those jokes again and again, especially about my dad.
The uncle Mr. X has lived here for 30 years, married a woman from my country who grew up here, and has 2 boys in primary school. Mr. X is a very conservative man. He is very religious and believes in strict gender roles. Moreover, Mr. X bosses people around. He demands that people, especially the younger ones, listen to what he says. Mr. X is actually a very successful career man so he gives great advices on career. My biggest problem with him is his views on gender and general success in life.
My relationship with these people is complicated because I really don't like being around them, but my mom insists that I keep in contact with them and come to their events and parties, visit their houses, etc. My parents think we are in so much (moral) debt to them because they have been a big help with my parents sending me to this country. I personally don't see how they have helped us apart from Jill explaining to my mom the procedure for enrolling me in school. Moreover, my mom always asked John, Jill, and Mr. X to do favours for me, and they would always say that they didn't mind, but I could see that they were burdened by these favours, and they have hinted so to me too.
For me myself, I had a rough time in middle and high school. My parents have been pretty abusive emotionally and verbally in the past, and I am seeing a counsellor at school because of this. I am also still navigating on how to be a decent person with normal level of self esteem. To give an idea of how insecure I am, I used to avoid cameras at all cost because my parents have always told me they were embarrassed because of how fat I am. I'm size 12, but in my country the average girls are size 0-2, and size 4 is a medium. When I came here I started having more positive body image of myself, but I'm still anxious around cameras. I used to have suicidal thoughts and OCD in middle school. I have other problems too but they aren't the point of this post, but I'm still in recovery process.
Also, I am queer. I never came out to my parents, but I'm pretty sure my dad knows about it, and he would drop a hint here and there about it. He tries to show his acceptance, and I know he is accepting, because he also stood up for his (closeted) gay cousin when they were young. An example is that my dad would specifically make gender neutral questions, e.g. "Is there someone/a person that you like?" He would also discuss hypothetical scenes with my mom, such as if I never get married (same-sex marriage isn't legal in my country), but my mom would get angry over it and they would end up arguing. My parents' relationship is not very good, and it really affects me and my sister's relationship with them and each other. My dad isn't perfect, but he has his own good qualities that I admire. On the other hand, my mom is the one who has been in touch with the family friends, especially Jill, so Jill and John know stuff about my family from my mom and some of these are very one sided. I think that's why Jill thinks I am short-tempered, because my mom and I often argued. My mom is also the only person that regularly gets in contact with me since I've been here. My dad and I rarely talk except on Skype, which we did once a month the most.
Sorry this has been a very long post, I'll get to the point now. The family friends have a tradition, that is whenever someone graduates from university they hold a big lunch with everyone from The Group. Jill has told me that they will hold a lunch for my graduation day, which is in spring. To make it clear, I absolutely dislike The Group and the family friends. I have already planned to cut all contacts with them and I am already in the process of starting it. The problem is my parents would be very against it, especially my mom. She got very offended if I said I didn't like these people. She also has discussed about the graduation lunch, and I know for sure that she would want to see it happen. I could try to talk about it with my dad, but it would require me coming out to him and discuss all of my problems, which I am absolutely not ready for. Even then, my dad will be the one to talk about it with my mom, and knowing their relationship, this will probably cause a shitstorm. I'm very worried about this and it's starting to affect my grades. My counsellor pointed out that perhaps my arising unhappiness with university life is because I'm scared of graduation, and to be honest I think she might be right. I failed 3 courses this year and I’ve been having the suicidal thoughts again. I don’t know if I want to take another year because I’m just so tired of school. Please give me advice on what to do.
tl;dr: I want to cut contacts with family friends but my parents insist I celebrate graduation day with them
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