How to accept the unacceptable?

My first love was at 12 with an amazing girl, we were really good friends but I wanted her so badly… after that, my second love at about 15 with an beautiful blonde girl, she had a boyfriend so that didn’t go so well, at about 16 up through 22 another amazing woman, really good friends, declared myself to her several times, but ended up in the friend zone.After that, had my first girlfriend which i was completely in love with at 24, but I just couldn’t open up so it ended very fast, 3 months.My second girlfriend last year, with 30yo, the most amazing and beautiful woman I’ve met. Basically the same thing happened, fell completely in love, but couldn’t quite open up with her.In the mean time, from 15 to 30, plenty of one night stands with great girls, and great sex.A bit before my second girlfriend a sudden thought popped into my head telling me I was gay, which didn’t made much sense to me: my whole life I fantasized both sexually and emotionally about girls… but I’ve never had much success having a healthy relationship though…Now, after about 2 years from that first thought, things have escalated up to the point which I’m 70% sure I’m gay. Have to say that is the thing I fear the most, I’ve always wanted a woman, but it just feels that I can’t have one, and that in fact, I’m really gay.The thing is, I just can’t fantasize sexually about men, something just don’t add up, even though I’ve been noticing men nowadays, something that have never happened before.I just wanted to understand how to accept what (for me) has been unacceptable my whole life? Should I force myself to do something with another guy? I’ve been on the edge of a psychological breakdown for quite a while now…How to accept the unacceptable?