I really can't deal with being homosexual.

Hi, I'm 14 and I like guys. It's really hard to deal with. I like to think that I'm not but I am and I ignore the fact that I am. I have tried getting off on straight porn but it just doesn't really work. I then thought, "maybe I like big women, or maybe I like feet, or even black women"...nope.All the porn I get off on is gay porn and I'm always feeling guilty after doing it. My hormones are driving me crazy and I just thirst for men but it's such a bad thing in society.What really hurt me inside was when my Grandma said to me a year ago that I was going to find a nice beautiful italian girl (I am italian). And it just made me feel so disappointed that I wasn't going to because I'm gay. I really don't know what my grandma thinks about being gay but I don't want to find out.The future just gets worse for me because I'll get older and family and friends will start asking questions like "did you find a girlfriend yet?" "Are you just shy?" "I can hook you up if you want"I won't be able to have a relationship, I just can't. And I can't have babies either. I've tried so hard to like girls but they don't interest me.I just can't admit that I'm gay, that will just completely ruin my life and I don't want to disappoint people, I can't.I'm planning to be closet homosexual for the rest of my life. I can't get married with a woman and have a baby and have a normal life. :(