Loneliness

Thank you all in advance for your time in reading and giving me feedback. I am 29 years going to be 30 in less than two week which becoming 30 has put me at fear I am getting older and I didn’t accomplish my goals when I turn 30. Also during my 20’s I met a guy and been with him for 11 years by this coming June. My mother moved to US and she lived with my brother and things didn’t work out with my brother she moved with me, which I am happy and glad she did. She is amazing woman and I am thankful to her for all the years she did for me. My relationship has been up and down a lot and it has a lot of obstacles it was painful to watch the pain going on constantly. He cheated on me I forgive him. I caught him another occasion I forgive him. He doesn’t tell me things that when people come cross his path I would know nothing about it. On the other side I would tell him everything that goes on in my life. It’s just been really tough 10 years I would say. I recently met someone we talked about nice things and plans, goals, and at the end I was told he doesn’t want to talk to me. It hurt me a lot I made depressed and I felt even more lonely. I believe I have not met the right one, it will take time and in fact I am not looking for anything anyway other get out of my sadness, loneliness, feeling depressed a little. Good thing my mom is in my life she lives with me I talk with her obviously not about this, but I have interaction. I fear being alone, meeting wrong person when I invest my time and effort and at the end it’s all gone. My mom isn’t going to be there always with me so I don’t feel lonely. I loved my ex with all of my heart. He still loves me, I do too but it’s complicated to try to sort everything. I liked the person I met so much, but after all he rejected me he told me he was not ready. My sadness of being alone not in relationship, being rejected by people when I treat them nice and go out of my way to show them how a good person is, but it’s all in the end not recognized. It’s a lot in my plate I been try to lift myself up and be the person I always heard people and helped them and looked for me when they need me. I find myself being like this sad, hurt, and lonely has really effected me mentally I don’t know how to literally describe it just feels like fail. It helped writing it and talking about it. Thank you all for reading.