Gay Dilemma

Hello, I just need to express myself. I live in Chicago. Here, as a homosexual I am married, I am happy and I have the possibility to be respected in general as a person, something that my country (in Latin America) can not offer me. If I go back to stay at my country with my guy (who is american), not only we would not be married, but we would not be respected either. We would be called names, etc. Yes, in my country the situation is still like that.I need to go visit my family at my country, 'cause they don't have visas to come.Right now, I am in the process to get my residence in the US and it is taking A LOT more time than we expected. If I leave this country (which I can do any day) I would not be able to get back here, my process would be cancelled, my past VISA is cancelled. We would have to start everything from cero if I wanna come back and it would mean to do it: me from my country and my guy from here (separated again for months and maybe close to a year or more).What is the problem? my mother... I feel, she misses me so much (and also because my homosexuality is so controversial still for them) I think she is dying, I feel her depressed, this is desperating and I feel guilty with every step I take, with every smile and momento of happiness I have, I feel like I am killing my mother. I try to ask them to be patient (and I am trying to be patient too), but it is really hard... lawyers don't make this fast and I am desperate. I want to wait, but I am scare, scare that at some point they will tell me my mother kill herself and I will feel it's my fault. I am just trying to make my life, to survive, to be in the place where it is better for me to be. I don't know what to do. If I leave I will stay months away from my husband (and he is fine with that, he says that if I leave he will go visit, but it is not the same for me, I don't wanna stay there living) and if I stay, my mother will get saddest. I don't know, maybe I am the most selfish person ever or I should stay, the only truth is that I am impatient, that I need my papers and I need now, I pray, I ask, I... I need those papers fast. My life is out my control right now, what do you think of all this?I ask my mother to be patient and she says she is working on it, but I am losing hope and getting lost.