Family

Im 14 , sorry if it's incoherent or hard to follow just ask and I'll clear things up🤷🏾‍♂️.My mum keeps doing this thing and I just feel like such a fucking dissapointmen, a bit of context I haven't come out to my mum but I'm pretty sure she knows and I know that my sister knows and my sister is quite a gossip.Today during our nightly prayers my mum specifically asked to pray for me and my sister individually during the prayers she went on at least twice about how God should dispell any spirit of homosexuality, what really erked me was the way it was brought up she just went from lord make sure he doesn't to drugs, and mix with the wrong crowd, and involved himself with gangs to oh yeah and also make him not a flaming faggot ( not her actual words). It's the little shit like this that she does that just makes me wanna fucking die I feel like I'm not good enough. The best part is that before this she came into my room and said that she loves me for who I am but clearly she fucking doesn't I honestly feel like I can't make it till 18 anymore I just want to fall into a coma untill I'm 18 then move out.Also my dad sent me a long weird message about how I'm the only guy left in our family so I should be careful with what I do and "let God guide me" so I'm sure my mum has been opening her whore mouth ( sorry mum don't mean it ) to my dad as well. It's so fucking frustrating because I don't feel like I'm being treated like a human being and they're always in one way or another trying to make me feel guilty. But it's just making me depressed and feel worthless and I literally don't know what to do I'm so lost.