BP again!

So... I'm having Bell's Palsy for the 3rd time. (BP = Half of your face goes paralyzed. It gets worse for a few days and slowly heals over, usually, months. In most cases, you make full recovery but in others, damages are permanent.)And it's really making me depressed.My first BP was pretty severe. Left side of my face went numb and I had hard time doing most basic stuff. Smiling, chewing, gargling(washing your mouth after you brush gets so hard with only half of your lips moving), spitting, etc...The worst of it all was that some of the damages were permanent.My face got changed and although most people did not noticed, the changes and little parts that didn't move really bugged me whenever I looked in the mirror.I was never a confident person to begin with so after that, my self-consciousness only got worse.Life went on and I rarely thought about BP. I was 20 when 2nd one hit me on my right side. It was rather mild though and I recovered quickly and fully.It wasn't a pleasant thing to go through but since it fully healed, I was able to put it aside without getting stressed out.That was a year ago and now 3rd one came.... It's on my left side again like the first time and since it's only been a week or so, I don't know how the recovery will be like but I'm really worried that the damages that I already have on my left will get worse.My friends are understanding but they sometimes crack up at how crooked my smiles are and one called my smile 'creepy'... which doesn't really help my mood.I try to act normal and rarely show how sad I'm feeling at times but it's been a rough few days.It doesn't help that I'm gay too. I mean, heteros are not that different but finding a date as a gay men, I feel like appearance plays a major role.I can't blame people for that because how the f are you gonna judge people by things other than appearance on apps like grindr? Anyway.. I digress.'I couldn't get a decent date even when I was without BP, and now that I have this thing again, I'll end up forever alone.'These kind of thoughts float around my head when I'm alone in bed.Anyone had a similar problem? or just some hugs will be nice too...