2016. június 5., vasárnap

In love and it sucks

It came out of nowhere. It started as a conversation on Grindr with someone that caught my attention. He had just gotten in from an international trip and happened to be in the area. I invited him over with expectations of a hook-up, but when he arrived everything changed.We clicked almost immediately. We talked for hours finding out that we had more and more in common with each other than we thought. We had traveled to some of the same places, we studied the same topic in competing universities, we had similar tastes and opinions on lots of things.He was new to the gay scene. We talked about our lives candidly and truly got to see one another. He has a beautiful soul. He is kind, worldly, open-minded, and brave. Of course these attributes apply to many gay men, but I can’t explain how directly his story appealed to me and how we seemed to be on the same wave-length.We shared stories, laughs, and music. I made love for the first time in my life. I couldn’t look away from him, my head on his chest as he slept peacefully next to me. He was so beautiful to look at, it touched my heart and stirred my soul. But it all ended too soon.The next day he was moving to a city several hours away to start his new job. I feel ridiculous for feeling the way I do for someone I spent not even 24 hours with, but those feelings were real; feelings I’ve never had for anyone before. I might even venture to say that he returned those feelings.We have a means of communication, but I struggle so hard not to be clingy and scare him away. He doesn’t respond as frequently as I would like (hours/days between responses) but I understand that he’s just made a big transition and a lot is going on. When he does respond, my heart melts. The time between responses is like having withdrawals.Is there a way to keep this flame alive? I have one more year of school and have planned to visit the city he lives in already (I had done so prior to meeting him). I could realistically even move there to work after I finish school, but that’s getting way ahead of myself. I’m head over heels for this guy but need a different perspective. What can/should I do? It’s driving me insane.

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