Trouble accepting myself

Hi guys,this is my first post on Reddit, so I apologize in advance if it's not what it should be like. I just need to get some things out and maybe ask for some advice.I'm gay...well, there it goes. I knew this (or should have known) basically since I was like 15 or so, but for many years I have lived in complete denial. Only recently (well if you can call 2 years recently...) I started to try to accept it, but I feel like I still haven't managed to do it. It's been really hard, especially because I live in a quite conservative country and an even more conservative catholic family. I know I can't come out to them, because it would break their hearts and, well, I still love them and I don't want to hurt them. I know they put their hopes in me and don't want to let them down like this and bring shame upon them. But the thought of staying alone my whole epmty life or pretending to be someone else is not very pleasant either. I feel like I don't even know what to do anymore with my life, I got completely stuck in one mental place, got severe depressions, started failing school (by which I basically let my family down anyway...). Sometimes I feel like I lost all hope that things could ever get better... But with the little hope I may have left I'm reaching out here because I don't know any gay guys or generally no one that I feel would understand me. Do you have any tips or something, how to accept it...or any kind of advice? I probably don't even know what I'm expecting of this, maybe I just needed to get it out after years of it rotting inside me...