Confusion!

Right, I'm not entirely sure where to begin here, so this might be a bit muddled up. I'm a 28 year old guy, i've been in total denial about my sexuality all my life. I've been out with girls, i've slept with girls, i'm attracted to them but i'm also intensely interested in men. The first person i ever slept with was a guy about twice my age i met on the internet, i was 17, it was outside at night, and it made me feel horrible. Only after i'd cum though, during i quite enjoyed it.Drugs have been a part of my life since i was 14, from then to about a year ago i used something or other pretty much every day. First cannabis, then later harder drugs, mephedrone, ketamine, ecstasy, valium (any benzo really), various prescription opiods, alcohol. All of my using was tied in to how i feel about myself, and to be fair my sexuality has a massive impact on how i feel about myself. I used to use before and after sex, to get myself in the mood, and then to block out how i felt afterwards. I'm not over exaggerating when i say that i hated myself because of it.My using got really out of control a few years ago, when my girlfriend at the time found out about me sleeping with men, or rather a man. I'd cheated on her and she found out, now no one knew about all of this, but of course she told people, who then told other people, and so forth.Anyway, i went to rehab to deal with my using, and while there tried to deal with how i feel about my sexuality. I honestly thought it was something i'd never fully accept, and like i've always done, i thought i could ignore it, repress it, possibly change it.. Now i've been out of rehab 6 month, i've not had sex for more than a year (mainly because of fear that i'll relapse if i do), and i'm well confused about everything.I feel like in the past i've gone about all this completely wrong, the casual sex thing, the internet hook up stuff is no good for me, maybe meeting someone, taking it really slow would be better, but to be honest i'm still quite far from accepting all of it. I figured i'd post something on here to see what, if any, advice people may have. Any (positive) input is hugely appreciated, cheers.