wanting a bf but scared

I posted this under LGBT too but might as well post it here tooso, I'm a 19 year old , less if you read this after July 7th I'm 20, So I came out a few months ago to my mom as bi, tho technically I'm more attracted to androgyny, and she said that " as long as I don't act on it it's okay". Which i'm like ok I won't, but I want to have a bf but I'm sort of scared she'll get mad. It's gotten fairly bad enough that I've thought of suicide to get rid of my thinking of wanting one or trying to force myself to date a girl. sorry for the weird post :c