My experience with gay dating

(Warning: long story-ish rant and it may seem offensive, but is meant to be rhetorical and sarcastic at times.)So, for those of you who don't know (or never experienced it), I'm going to explain what gay male dating is like. This is from my personal experiences, but I'll try to keep it very general so that others can potentially relate and share their similar stories.I finally come out of the closet and begin my (online) dating life fairly young, when I reach legal adulthood. This is after years of being bombarded with images of "the ideal, attractive man" in the media. Certain ideals are similar for both straight women and gay men, but the paths split eventually.I have to keep this scraggly patch of pubes on my face. I get the urge to shave sometimes, because I think I could try out a better look. But I can't, because beards are so sought-after and loved in men in the gay men's world that I have to keep it. My worth has been having it. The only compliments that I get are about it. Apparently, my bare face is not good enough. As much as I always struggled with my self image, specifically my facial features, there are times when I like it. But I can never see it.Straight people ask me why I don't shave. I have to tell them that I'm gay and actively looking to date. They still don't exactly get it. It's weird to explain. Straight women aren't even totally for beards like that (though they made a huge comeback in the straight world in recent years). God forbid I have a job interview... I obviously choose a better opportunity in life over the dating scene, but I'll get no attention for a good month until it grows back.I have very little style options. As a male, society says I have few to begin with. As a gay male who wants a date, I have even less. Hair has to be below a certain length. I can no longer grow my hair out. Facial hair is a necessity for most, and could earn me more attractiveness points over someone who may have a nicer face but can't grow any fuzz. Everything I wear has to be really masculine but also somewhat "stylish". I still haven't figured that part out yet. No hair dye, weird piercings, absolutely no guyliner, even for Halloween... one picture of you wearing that ends up online, and other guys see it... goodbye to any dates.Oddly, there is supposed to be a "gay community" that allows freedom of expression, without restriction to gender norms. This doesn't actually exist in the dating world.My body type is not liked. Bigger, bulkier bodies are usually the thing. Not too obese, of course. But some fat ("bear" type), some muscle. Smaller skinny guys are out, especially if they don't play sports. My skinny-fat with slim shoulders and 5'6" height gets me virtually nowhere.I have to try and fake hobbies that makes me more interesting and masculine. Sometimes I just exaggerate a bit. I went on a hike a few years ago, can I put hiking? Can I extend that to camping even though I never went camping? I'd probably like it, so it isn't exactly lying. Sometimes, I read long wikipedia articles, and then claim interest in something based on that. I can name a few different types of fish and if they're in season, where they live, etc. so I'll put fishing. I see a guy's profile that says "if you'd rather watch RuPaul instead of NBA, fuck off". While I don't like either of those, I'd sure as hell rather watch a week's worth of RuPaul's show than even 5 minutes of most sports. Oh, that reminds me, I've watched baseball games with family, so I can put down that I watch sports.It isn't even just the masculinity thing, either. I can't be seen as a boring homebody. Netflix & chill is only for NSA hook-ups. Everyone else needs a guy who is outgoing and social. How exactly can I fake that though? Fake it til I make it, I suppose. My weird introverted quirks are not liked. Well, every guy nowadays claims they're "nerdy" seeking the same, but they're looking at pics of guys with 6-pack abs in video game tees. Not actual nerdy people.So I make a dating profile- what do I put in it? It seems that any wrong wording of text will turn everybody off. I'm scared. I'm deathly scared of ending up alone forever... I don't have straight friends. They want nothing to do with me. So maybe this is my only chance.I finally settle on a profile text and a picture of me that looks okay... not my best side, but not awful. A few blank profiles message me if I'm looking "right now". I just block or ignore. Hours later... nothing. Okay, I gotta be patient.I get some conversational messages. I look at the pics. Well, his face looks kinda weird. Teeth are sticking out too much, lips are too big, nose is too big, receding hairline. I shouldn't answer. Don't wanna give him the wrong idea. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. It's a part of dating. Straight people do it all the time. His personality seems okay, but, I'm not gonna lie and make him think I'm attracted to him. I should just block. It's benefiting him that way.Another blank profile messages me, but wanting conversation. The stats listed make him sound potentially attractive. I'll bite. He eventually sends a pic. Um... oops. Maybe I spoke too soon. I'll just stop replying. He'll get the hint.I got a new message. The guy's profile pic makes him look very feminine and flamboyant. I don't want to risk that. He may have that really femmy lisp. I'll just block. I can find a guy who doesn't have it.I get home from work one day, and get a message from another guy. His picture is dimly lit, but he may be okay looking. He wants to meet up right away just for chat. I'll bite. So I meet up with him,... he's a flamer in person. I don't think I'll be meeting with him again. He isn't my type physically either. He keeps sending messages, so I'll just block him so he gets the hint.A few attractive guys messaged me, but stopped replying. I guess I bored them. I bring up wanting to meet up, they don't reply, but they seem to have interest. I'm feeling lonely, so I'll be proactive for once and try to message some cute guys. I won't go too out of my league, but I'm sure I can get a guy who looks decent. After all, I'm told I look good.So a week passed by, and out of all the guys I sent messages to, none replied. Well, I'm sure more will make profiles and come around here. I can't be that bad, can I?So now I pretty much blocked 70% of the profiles within 100 miles of me. Another 20% blocked me, I think. No big deal. As I said, people move to/from this area often. I'll find more guys.I get a message from a guy who doesn't look very attractive, but we have some stuff in common, and he really seems to like me. I'll meet up with him.So he really liked me, and I guess I was feeling so lonely I became a bit... desperate. Hate to admit it. We began officially dating. I have zero attraction to him, but maybe it'll build over time. Sex isn't good at all. I wish I could just watch porn and jack off. He's always horny and gets upset when I don't want any.It's been over a year with this guy. I feel like I can make a profile again, just to see what's out there. I won't actually hook up or anything. Oh look, my boyfriend has a profile too. And he's online now. I guess I wasn't giving him enough of what he wanted.So we finally broke up. He was crying, I couldn't care less. Never liked him. I think he was just into me because I was the best looking guy he could get. I can find better than him, right? I've learned my lesson, I won't fake attraction to anyone or date a guy if I'm not too into him. While I like pleasing others, I need to do for myself too.And then the cycle starts again.I see profiles with their preferences listed in them. Everyone on sites like reddit and tumblr always hate on profiles like that. I don't need to do that. Besides, with a block button at hand, it isn't necessary.Though, upon reading these profiles, it seems we all look for similar... and how many of us actually fit that bill? While I don't believe in limiting myself, I won't date someone I'm not attracted to. Remember the last time I tried that? And besides, I'm only 23, I have time to mature and change. I'll date ugly people later on. Let me be young and go for eye candy!I mean, I don't need or want a really macho guy, just a guy who is normal. We all know what normal is, right? Not a flamer, not really femmy. Just a guy who can pass for being straight.I'm not a Body Nazi either. I'm fine with guys with extra fat. But it can't be too obese. It has to be like, under 200 lbs. And no sagging man-tits, either. And I don't like guys who are too skinny. But I'm not looking for gym muscle guys.A guy with an average face is fine, just no awkward features that stick out. I'm not looking for more than I can provide. I think I'm good enough for all of that, right?And I'm not an ageist, I just think most older guys don't look good. I wanna get a good looking guy while my looks are in their prime. If he looks younger than his actual age, it's fine. But the guys hitting on me all look like they belong in retirement homes! I can do better than that, right? I deserve better.And I'm not saying that any of these people are beneath me or anything. I just feel like I'm a decent guy and there's no reason I can't get a guy who looks decent. I'm not that picky. I have realistic expectations. It's not my fault that seemingly the majority can't fit them. At least, not where I live. I wish I could date straight guys. My options are so limited. All the guys into me are either ugly, too obese for me, way too feminine for me, or way too old-looking. I'm not even picky though.At least I don't think I am.Nobody replied to any of my messages again. I guess I'll just stay home tonight anyway.~fin(I realize that a lot of issues were not touched upon. I wanted to make this more general and easily relatable to any reader.)