Why I am gay and I am still in the church?

Hey there people,I am a 22 years old man who has spent his last 5 years (almost 6) in a church --oh gosh! in a conservative one (I keep the name for me), a dude who finished high school in 2011 and has made nothing for his future life, just working and.. dang! no studies. (maybe because people in "my" church don't use to study --it's bad and dangerous for a healthy spiritual life. Lies! and people only use to say: "What God wants to do with my life!" I do not know, I feel like a fish out of the water. If you just know me, you had said: "hey, dude! I think you're not feeling good. You're smart, you got a future, please just do things that young people use to do --NO! nothing about drugs, alcohol or being promiscuos, these things, actually, only retard people do.--, go out to explore the world, make friends, meet a girl... oh wait I forgot to add this: "..." beside the word girl. Again (...) meet a "girl", get a degree, focus on your life, live your life the way you want, not as people wants you to live your own life."My family adviced me many times: "Andrés, you need to study!,"Andrés, you won't be there for ever!", "Andrés, please DO something with your life!","ANDRÉS... WAKE UUUP!" ... Oh...! I am so sorry with you, life that I couldn't see you screaming for my own well-being. Oh...! I am so sorry for you, brother that I can't realize how important is to live. Oh...! I am so sorry for you, sister, all time you were telling me to please do something. Oh...! I am so sorry for you, years spent in vain.Whatever...! Let's not get dramatic!It's almost funny how I am stuck here... In a church who has literally "washed my barin", when I use to be a normal guy... I was even an "emo-boy" when I was 15 til 17 years old. But always, knowing I was gay, yeah, gay. --now, do you understand why "girl"? :DNo ways, people in church don't have their little mind open or a helper mind in this cases. They're judged, homophobic and fill with nothing more than judge and close thoughs..To be continued....PS: SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH.. OK? Xd