(NSFW) Can't cum without jacking off?

(Throwaway for obvious reasons) So when I have sex I find that I can only cum by jacking myself off. One guy really wanted me to cum in his mouth while he was giving me a blowjob and I feel like he was disappointed when I couldn't do it. Also, when I bottom for a guy it feels nice but I usually can't cum just from being fucked. I'm usually on my back jacking off with one hand most of the time. I'm wondering how many of you guys can also only cum from jacking yourself off, and what you've tried to make yourself be more sensitive. Should I try and masturbate less, or stroke it more slowly? Also, do tops find it less attractive if you have you jack yourself off also while being fucked? I could see it maybe being a little disappointing as a top if being fucked isn't enough stimulation for them.