I've been having a little bit of a problem recently. I'm a twenty one year old man married to a woman whom I love absolutely and and would never do anything to hurt. And I think I might be gay. I lived a very sexually repressed life up until my eighteenth birthday (I was raised by fundie Christians who believed anything sexual beyond procreation was a damnable offence) when I got the fuck out and joined the army. In basic, I was showering in the same room as about thirty swinging dicks attached to muscular, attractive men. It was really hard for me to not look, so I, ashamed, usually showered in the corner facing the floor. When I got to AIT (kind of like college, but for one specific military job), I was no longer forced to shower or otherwise be naked around other men, so the feelings just kind of subsided over time. I still had the occasional "gay" dream, some involving penis in or around my mouth, others with my penis in or around the mouths of other men, but I wrote it off as Freud flexing his glorious beard at me from the afterlife. In AIT, I met a woman who I was attracted to in every way. Physically, I think she's gorgeous (some of my friends say she looks like a little boy), is very smart, and just generally a good person. I liked it, I put a ring on it, we've been married two years, and I still have only one complaint. The sex. It's great, don't get me wrong, and she's the only woman (of about five or six that I've slept with) who was able to make me cum, but I always feel like somethings missing. Lately I've been having a lot of dreams where I'm sucking my wife's cock, and I'm enjoying it. When I wake up in the morning, most of me feels really uncomfortable and wants to forget the dream ever happened. But there's the small, yet really loud part of me that wants it. Here's where the confusion comes in. I don't know if I'm gay or just have daddy issues. I know I can be physically attracted to men, hell, I've got a little bit of a man crush on my best friend, but because of my upbringing, every time I am in the presence of a male that I find attractive, I end up getting uncomfortable and not hanging out with that person any more. As a result, I have very few male friends who I go to the gym with on occasion, but plenty of female friends who all think I'm so deep in the closet I'm finding last years lost Christmas presents. My biggest worry is realizing that I'm gay, and then crushing this woman I've happily spent the last two years of my life with, and then systematically destroying the way both my family and hers view me. Before anyone asks, my wife is the coolest, most tolerant person I know. But she also loves being with me, and loves sex with me in every way imaginable, but I have a feeling she will never be able to satisfy me the way I satisfy her. And it sucks. Anything anyone has to say is welcome, if you think I'm an asshole or that my thought process is flawed, please let me know. I'm pretty lost right now, and any amount of feedback would be greatly appreciated.unrelated P.S I spent about three days lurking around this sub, and you guys seem like a really awesome bunch. Thanks for reading this wall of text, just getting this out there is a bit of a relief for me. Also, if this is the wrong place for this, please let me know, and I'll move it elsewhere. Thank you!Throwaway because my wife also reddits, and also because I ain't no karma whore.
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