I'm risking a gamble by wanting to come out, but I need to know how. I feel being closeted has me spiraling deeper into alcoholism and depression.

I'm 21, a college student, and still largely in the closet. I know who I am and what I like, but I know my family doesn't approve. My father is, for the time being, my sole means of financial support. My father also spent a good portion of my childhood "correcting" certain behaviors or mannerisms of mine because "only gay people/women do that", or he "didn't raise a faggot". Nothing physical, thankfully, but he would always tell me to stop, and tell me how I should do things.My mother claims she's my "best supporter", but she's a very religious, "church every Sunday" type of lady whose close sister (my aunt) is one of the most homophobic people I've ever met (almost to Westboro Baptist Church levels, to give any indication). I don't know how to break the news to her; I know she'll have a panic attack.Most of my friends don't know. ESPECIALLY my friends I grew up with. Thing is, I don't know who to trust, and I have no idea who to go to or what to say.I feel like, to some degree, I'm still censoring my words or behaviors, in part, due to fear of judgment. And, this is part of why I drink; alcohol sets me free, often times allowing me to be who I want to be.TL;DR: My life's a mess, and I'm surrendering my problems to drugs because I don't know how to proceed.