Privileged Masc?

Is wishing I were more feminine to avoid the assumption of being straight coming from a place of privilege?9/10 people assume I'm straight (which saved me from a lot of bullying in high school). Coming out of the closet for me was basically an ultimatum (do or die kind of thing). I was deeply embedded with internalized homophobia to the point where I was actually uncomfortable around gay men. I was outed by some friends a few years back, and that drove me into a deep depression with suicidal thoughts. I've always ran from the idea of being gay and tried to "pray the gay away" ever since I was a teenager. Anyhoo, I realized if I didn't come to my sexuality, I would continue to hate myself and live in a constant state of disrepair. Ever since, I've made improvements to becoming 100% comfortable with my sexuality, but I'm still a work in profess. My family does not agree with the gay lifestyle at all, so that plus my religious beliefs (Christianity) continue to hinder my progress as a 100% openly gay male.But back to my initial question. I know that feminine gay men are more likely to be gay bashed and targeted than masculine. So is this idea of wanting to be less masc privilege or connected to self-hate?