Wanting to Suck + Other [nsfw]

Seriously, all I ever want to do is give a blowjob. I'm a 20 year old gay guy. I've put a few cocks in my mouth before a little (quick grindr meetups and they ended because all I was brave enough to do those times was just lick it for a bit).I also gave a long blowjob once to a "straight" friend once before college started but I wasn't ready to take cum.But I really wanna just suck cock and swallow cum. However, I am afraid of Grindr because of HIV and other STD's. Now, I know it's unlikely to get it from giving a blowjob. Still, I accidentally bite my cheeks a lot on my lips bleed a lot for no real reason. I don't trust my mouth to be healthy enough to prevent a random guy who has it or anything else from infecting me.I only ever had one person blow me too, from Grindr. He swallowed my cum (which was insane because he barely asked my status).I don't want to suck a random guy, but it seems like it's my only solution. I doubt I will ever get a boyfriend; I am unattravtive (I am pretty heavy because of a spinal issue preventing me from exercising), and I am always in so much pain from said spinal issue that I can barely fall asleep at night or walk to class, let alone drive or go on a date which I never have. :(Sorry for the long post. I'm just sad because it's Valentine's Day and I am even hornier than usual and reminded that I will probably be alone for a long time. :(