Fell in love with my best friend and then again with another one and now I'm screwed

Both these boys are straight but both times weird things have happened for instance being very close in bed spooning etc u get the picture. They don't know about how I've felt about them and they never will because they clearly both don't reciprocate (in relationships with girls). Maybe I'm just easy to fuck with? It just makes me feel shit and lonely and I'm not openly bi with the world so kind of feels like I'm never gonna meet anyone lol. I don't know I'm new to this I'm just struggling and literally can't talk to anyone