Any small tops actually happy with there sex life?

I have a small penis that feels completely wrong on my body. Its doesn't match up with the thing that turn me on. Im supposedly slightly below but from my wide range of experience im very on the low end. I have trouble finding guys who are less than 6.5 inches or less. Nearly every guy i get ends up being 7in or more when they take their pants off. Compared to my 4 in. It really depresses me. Ive been laughed at and rejected because of my size. I constantly hear about how great big dicks are and how amazing they feel, and knowing that i will never be able to fuck like a hung guy. I still get comments about to this day from supposedly mature guys. When i first started with guys the things i kept being told were so bad it killed me inside. I decided to bottom figuring i had to because i was born with a small dick. All the bottoms i went after rejected me right after we would sleep together. Sometimes before if they found out my size. I never wanted to do that and i never enjoyed it. It was humiliating and degrading and at the time i even felt like i deserved it. I did this for yeara. Stopped eventually when i reallized how stupid i was and how bottoming wasnt helping, it was making me feel even worse.The few gay friends i have all happen to fall in love with hung guys. Even though size apparently doesnt matter. Love conquerors all, but it doesn't seem to be the case. I cant even figure out what they see in those guys, seems like their only positive attribute is a big dick. Which i always have to hear about.Even though everything about me is stereotypical for an attractive top, ive never had sex with a total bottom guy more than one time. Its almost funny to me how i worked hard on my body and appearance, how when im clothed i get too much attention from the guys i like. And how fast they reject me when my pants come down.The guys who who do want to be in a relationship with me all seem to be vers/tops. And ive fucked a bunch of virgins who were not intimidated by my dick. Sure thats a hot fantasy for some guys, but the realities not too good. Being told "your dicks so small ill do it because i wont feel a thing" isn't the best thing to hear. The tops will bottom for me a few times, then they start trying to pressure me into bottoming. I cant be in a relationship with someone like that, i need our chemistry to match up. Last time i dated a guy who was a top, i told him everything about my past, my body image ect. He said he was fine being a total bottom because he really liked me. That lasted exactly 2 weeks before he started playing w my ass constantly, begging me to just let him put the tip in, rubbing his dick in my ass crack when we slept together. Hed go on about how guys loved his dick, hes about 8in, how everyone else begged him to fuck their ass, how they all loved it. I couldn't handle it. Hearing that night after night i broke up up w him even though he was perfect in every other way. Not a single person has ever said anything great about my dick except for the very few ones i met into SPH. Thats a turn off to me.Ive never had what id consider a good sexual experience. In a relationship or hooking up. Im just so angy and depressed right now and i dont know what to do about it. Im angry at all those hung tops who get to have great sex. Im angry at all those size queens who love big dicks. Im angry at bottoms who actually have average or big dicks and just waste it. I wouldn't feel like this of i was just average. If i could find another guy like me. Seems like everyone whos small just gives up on dating or having sex or even keeping care of their bodies. In my years of searching for guys with smaller dicks i could only find them on extremely unattractive people.I want to give up all this hate. But i have no idea how. I cant talk to anyone in my life about this. Sry for the wall of text