An interesting title <---- it told me to write that (vent/advice)

So please forgive me if this seems a little gloomy I'll try and make this a bit less depressive, I don't really like to talk about these sort of issues. I'm a 25 year old male, oh before I continue I want to let you know this might be a bit long.Anyway I'm a 25 year old male studying youth work, I've had depression for about 6 years now mainly because of my mother, she kicked me out when I was 16 because she found out I was gay most of my childhood she put me down, I always wanted to work in the film industry because I enjoyed making films, whenever there was a project in school to do with film I'd be on it but of course my mother being a devout Jehovah's Witness said that was worldly or satans work, like honest to atheism (sorry if you're religious) but she makes other witnesses think she's a bit extreme.Anyway my childhood was filled with "you're fat" "you're never going to achieve in life" yada, yada, yada which was really depressing but what made it worse was when she kicked me out when I was 16 and said she didn't have a son, despite everything before that I loved her until she said she didn't have a son. Now she's older I barely speak to her but she is trying to build a relationship with me, man this is getting hard to type. Sorry I have this impulse to type what I'm thinking/feeling.She wants to build a relationship with me but I can't let her get away with all the hurt and misery she put me through even after we stopped talking, from the age of 17 to 22 I was between houses I was homeless for a year at one point between that I had a partner, we got a house together but broke up and I was then homeless my sister and I stopped talking because back then she was a bitch and treated me like a slave, thankfully now she's a completely different person, my sister and my mother have a strong relationship with each other. It my sister is getting stressed because I refuse to talk to my mother and it's upsetting my mother although honestly I couldn't give a rats ass how he feels, I have so much hatred for her and what she did, my family aunties uncles etc are so dysfunctional, before I came out everything was fine, my uncle though is fine with it but the rest of them had a bet going I was gay as soon as that was bet was won, that's it see ya later.My cousins look at me as though I'm a disease, I haven't seen them in years the only person who treated me like proper family was my nan before she passed away she lit up when she saw me, the hardest thing was towards the end because she forgot who I was, my sister at the time was selfish still is at times but nothing compared to what she was. I can forgive my sister but I can't forgive the rest of my family.My sister forgive but don't forget, I always say how can you possibly say that after everything that woman put us though, at 7 years old my sister had to look after me because my mum didn't want to and she'd leave for hours on end. When I heard this I thought my sister was probably trying to give more credit to herself but numerous times my nan would rock up and mum wouldn't be there but us kids were left alone. My sister would change my nappies at 7 she looked after me more than my my mother did.It makes me so angry so upset I get so mixed I cry one minute get angry the next, how can this woman expect me to forgive her for how she did and me be okay with it, I could have been a director by now if I had that encouragement at that young age, oh and get this people at school knew I was gay, I was bullied so badly everyday I told my mum about it her advice "just ignore them" I wasn't just getting bullied I was getting based I was running and fucking hiding, my school of course did nothing. Just ignore them, oh my god I'm so angry right now. I have no idea what to do I feel like I can't have a relationship because I look at myself and all I hear is what my mother would say, I haven't been with anyone for 6 years because of it, I'm so self conscious, if I go out I can't help but feel as though people are looking at me and laughing or thinking "what is that thing doing out in public" or walk past a restaurant and people yell "oh for goodness sake we're eating" I'm not fat I'm average in weight I should lose a few kilos to be honest but it's not like I'm 170 kilos, sure if I weighed that much people probably would think "oh my god" but I don't, sorry I've gone off track.I don't know how I can forgive her I want to yell and scream at her I want her to feel the pain I felt, maybe then I could forgive her but at the same time I just want to hug her, if she wasn't a Jehovah's Witness things would probably be so different. I want my life back I want to be able to have a relationship again, despite everything I was so happy when I was in a relationship I don't know how to get that life back.