Im just wondering if there is anyone out there that is willing to listen to me?

So im a 28 year old guy. I dont act or appear feminine what so ever, but im a bottom. Ive only ever found one partner but he died five years ago and ive never been in a relationship since. To me, being a bottom isnt just about sex, its about where you want to be in a relationship. I would just rather sit in someones lap or be held instead of the other way around. So naturally, Im looking for a guy who is more masculine than I am but the few guys i meet want it to be the other way around, which is not something im attracted to so it doesnt work at all. I feel like life is absolutely hopeless and Ill never find anyone. Its not that I can change but do you think what I want is totally unrealistic? Or if your like me, how do you cope with something like that? Im a good looking male with lots of friends and a successful music career and yet I feel totally alone and I relate to absolutely no one. I cant talk about it with anyone I know cuz they dont understand in the least bit or absolutely wont talk about "gay problems" with me and dont want to hear it. I have no family because they disowned me for being gay and no one is really close to me in my life. Is any one else like me or have a similar problem? I know if you have the same problem as me we obviously cant be together but i just would like to hear how someone else can cope with it or go on living their life happy or even half happy?