Help. Need advice. Closet Gay sharing a story.

I've known all my life I am gay. Grew up in a very conservative Catholic family so I joined the army to get away thinking that would help me. This was during the 90's and early 2000's.I ended meeting and getting married to a wonderful woman whom I love greatly but the sex was not satisfactory for me, I can probably safely say it was not for her either. It felt more like a chore (when she wanted to have sex) or me needing to get off (when I wanted to have sex). In that way we had a couple of children.So now, we are at a crossroad where we both realize it's not her, but me. It is a friendly and civil separation, going on and discussing a divorce in a amicable manner. We are still very good friends and still care for each other very deeply.So, the juxt of my problem is that I want sex. I've never learned how to seek it out, never learned how be open about it (always a taboo in my home while growing up), never learned how to get over the awkward moments when sex does happen and you realize it was a mistake.I am a little too old to be getting into this learning from scratch. Especially as a gay person still somewhat in the closet in a conservative area knowing what kind of person I am attracted to but not knowing how to reach out for it.I am attracted to "straight acting" guys. I know that brings into this a controversy of what do I mean by "straight acting." To be straight forward, it is just what I am attracted to. I am turned off sexually by effeminate men. This is in now way to make any sort of judgement or bring any sort of stereotypes into this conversation. I am just being honest.And that is the problem. How can I be attracted to "straight acting" guys if I do not know if they are gay to begin with? I am "straight acting" because that is who I am. I am not judging the stereotypical gay guy.An extreme example. I found Milo Yiannopoulos extremely gorgeous and doable before I found out anything else about him. I saw him this past weekend on Bill Maher and completely lost all interest in him. First, I did not know he was gay, but that should have been a plus. The second was his speech and demeanor. I couldn't get past that. Then I heard about his views. Well... no more fantasies about him.Anyway, long story short... how difficult will it be to get acclimatized to the gay culture scene in a conservative area? What advice do you guys have for a naive 40 year-old going out on his own for the first time in his life?Please don't be mean or immature. I am being sincere and willing to hear all comments. Thank you.