I'm gay ---> WOAH EMOTION

I'm a 24 year old. I'm gay. It has been one hell of a journey getting to the point that I can even accept that much about myself. I dealt with some threats from my father at a young age that caused me to essentially go into hiding since that point.The scary part is realizing just how much I have repressed about myself. So much self-loathing and embarrassment buried in my mind is making my daily life a struggle. Lately my mind has been like a slideshow of disjointed memories from as early as kindergarten. The feeling that I've been two independent personalities, the real me, and the father-loyalist hell bent on embarrassing the real me into nonexistence.The feeling that my closest friends have known all along, that they've watched me masochistically deny my real feelings for as long as they have known me.I feel like I've literally gone through a mental portal to a time before pleasure and pain were switched to hide myself. The idea that I'm allowed to feel my body as my own, and not just a vessel for transporting my consciousness.I hope I'm painting a picture that is relatable in some way. I just feel like there is too much negative emotion to ever overcome. Nearly two decades of being a robot has taken its toll. I have no real social circle at this point. I hate my career because I chose it for my father.Does anyone have any advice? I'm clearly feeling overwhelmed by this all.