Where is my box? What is my sexuality?

Hey. Need input from others to come to a consensus on my sexuality. Going forward and hoping to find partners, its important to see what is realistic for me, what is smut/fet, and what is unrealistic. I have cross posted this to several different subs, so feel free to only focus on the parts that relates to you. In fact, there is so much hetero stuff in this post, that I want to apologize in advance for it. However maybe it can help you better understand me.I am mostly a Hetero male in that I am mostly attracted to females. I have had several gay experiences throughout my life, but not a single one of them involved being truly attracted to another man outside of sex. When I say attracted, I mean the way that I assume gay men think each other are "hot". I suppose that I am more of a bisexual beta-male who is into alpha males fucking me or fucking my girlfriend. Ideally he would be having sex with my girlfriend and I would be in chastity, doing cleanup, supporting her, raising his children. Either that or I would be a total bottom for a total alpha and there would be no woman. In that case, the only barrier would be that I don't think I am gay enough to actually have a true boyfriend. I have had some hot girlfriends, but one of the hung black guys... We are only into the second paragraph, but these are some of the weird questions and conflicts that brought me here.Ruling out limited pubescent circle jerking and such, my only gay experiences were in my early 20s, and were highly sexual role play adventures and all involved tall, hung black guys (not by coincidence lol) and sissy/bull play. By sissy bull play, I mean the tops were fucking me while i was dressed and role playing as a woman and In chastity. Before that I was mostly playing with toys and cross dressing for fun.That kind of peaked in my early 20s. From age 22 until about 9 months ago I built an open relationship with a woman around my same age. After less than 6 months of friend zone, we started fucking and it eventually became a cuckold relationship and it turned out that she was had very dominant/masc tendencies. I had already known I liked cuckolding before her, but when she started to take advantage of me and mess with other guys, I helped turn it into a full blown cuckold relationship. She was not into entertaining my male kinks or even calling it cuckolding, but she was cucking me hardcore nonetheless. There was humiliation, cuckolding, teasing, mild financial domination, light physical abuse (slapping), etc. He (there were 3 guys over the course of the rel.) would come to the apartment and once the bedroom door closed I would be right outside the door, naked and plugged and with my face against the hardwood, listening to every sound.Here I am now in Spring 2018 and I am thinking about starting to date again. I'm definitely a beta male, but I have enough good looks and charm to get a date with a normal girl if I really wanted. Should I do that? Because apparently I am an A1 twink with an excellent boy pussy, bedroom eyes, and small frame.But what about the alternatives? I have a history of being a gay bottom and getting banged out by huge black dudes. And I have this 2-3 year relationship, where half of it was a masochistic cuckold trip that I enjoyed immensely. Then I have my other hetero relationships which were kind of lukewarm due to me being a beta male and having a small penis. Maybe I am overestimating my sexual fluidity, my beta status, etc, but I wonder if maybe I am more cut out for an alternative type of lifestyle.My gut tells me that I need to be with a woman, and that it needs to be a female led, cuck, or femdom relationship. I could totally man up and play the normal dude role for the right woman and fall in love and live happily ever after. But I want to be true to my sexuality and do what is right for me...--Porn alert---What about couples like this who live out situations like this or this? I have been wondering if stuff like this existed for years, and after finding it I am wondering if this is actually a type of heterosexuality. It is pretty much the biggest turn on in the world for me to be a sissy/feminized male sub for a physically larger and dominant female.Have I just gotten way too juiced up on smut? Is there a large enough pool of alternative women that I can try for stuff like this? Will I become attracted to men considering that I am only into relatively sterile and organized encounters with masc alphas? Should I keep bottoming for fun or stick to one thing?This is pretty much a rant/wall-of-text of the highest order, so I apologize for not organizing it more. You are worth the time, but I think the brain dump format is ok this time.Edit: clarity, typos, etc.