Is it bad that I developed a massive crush on my friend I used to experiment with?

Basically a few years back when I was 14 I started to experiment with a very close friend of mine. Usually with me on the giving end but as it would turn out I loved it and over time developed a sort of love? Or maybe just a crush. I enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed how much he enjoyed it. He was my best friend and I loved hanging out with him. He was honestly the first guy I was ever attracted to....we stopped really talking because I moved and the experimenting thing made it a little odd. I don't even know if he turned out gay like I did...he has a girlfriend now. Really just bums me out thinking about it. I've been actually crying thinking about it recently. Not sure what my deal is.