2018. március 31., szombat

Does any of this actually make me a Gay or Bi man? Is it likely that I've been in denial all these years about being Gay/Bi?

So when I reached puberty I discovered that it was the secondary sexual characteristics of my same-sex that started turning me on sexually arousing me like over 95% of the time, the opposite sex would be down to 5%, so whenever I was in a sexually aroused mode over 95% I was thinking of my same-sex of the physical qualities of my same-sex that would arouse me thinking about.So just like most teen boys I began to masturbate, & over 95% of those times i was masturbating i was thinking about others of my same-sex, the other 5% or less i was thinking about others of my opposite-sex, YET in spite of all this i still for years I still couldn't click in my head that this meant that i'm somehow not straight, so i kept it to myself, as i got older i started watching porn & gravitated quickly towards a preference for Gay male porn, but i still couldn't admit to myself that this somehow means i'm not str8, in my head the logic i made was well I'm still a total virgin i haven't done anything sexual with guys or girls in real life, and hey to top it all off - most of the times i'm masturbating to these sexy guys I'm not even imagining I personally engaging in any kind of sexual contact with them instead i'm just imagining their sexy bodies and nothing more.Ok so fast forward a few more years later - I'm now 24 years old & I'm basically still stuck in the same situation I just described above, still a total virgin with both sexes, still clearly physically attracted to sexy guys which i think about almost all the time now that i'm in "horny" mode, & I guess I can now admit that I'm sexually NOT just physically but sexually attracted to these sexy guys since I'm now getting more & more actual gay sexual fantasies in where I fantasize about me personally being in real intimate sexual contact with these sexy guys usually the guys from the gay porn i watch - something which really wasn't the case before i started watching gay porn, before gay porn like when i was 14 or 15 i would just masturbate thinking of their sexy bodies, but now i'm increasingly masturbating thinking not just of these guys' bodies but also of actually engaging in actual sex with these guys' i think i can blame gay porn for this. Yea because prior to getting exposure to gay porn, i didn't so much as think about having sex with sexy hot guys or kissing sexy hot guys, even at the same time i would masturbate thinking of sexy hot guys if that makes sense at all. In other words prior to gay porn i would masturbate thinking of guys but at the same time i wouldn't even imagine engaging in any kind of sexual contact with these very same guys - does this make sense? - because for years this has confused me a whole lot to the point of where it would give me confidence to think that i somehow was not gay or bi but still straight, specially considering that prior to puberty i only had opposite-sex crushes & never any same-sex crushes, but then of course i hit puberty and that's when the same-sex crushes began which continues to this day.SO what do u think - am I gay/bi in denial? Should the next time I speak to my psychiatrist or therapist (which I haven't spoken to in years now) about any of this, would they be able to help me with my sexuality-related confusion/issue? Thanks for reading all this, and well I guess I'll just simply continue on "living in the closet" for now/for the foreseeable future I guess.

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